Thursday, December 27, 2007

[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] The Weather Outside is... umm... Not Too Ba...


I mean, I knew this snow advisory we've been under for the last two freakin' days was a real nightmare, but, umm... well...

You see Wisconsin there?

It's the state that kind of looks like your left hand if you hold it up with your fingers together and your thumb sticking out a bit (that's how we learned to draw our home state in Kindergarten. Glad I wasn't raised in Florida with that teacher since Florida looks like... well... plumbing).

Anyway, the snow... Yes. I almost forgot about the snow. The evil, wicked, immense amount of snow that is supposed to bury us poor cheeseheads beneath a pile of frozen whiteness. See the Red Triangle of Impending Doom there at the bottom of my browser? It's beside the blue wrench... Yeah. It's the one with the exclamation point inside.

Well, earlier today, I wrote about its threat. It said something about a snow advisory in effect until 6:00 tomorrow night (keep in mind, these warnings started Tuesday morning, so I've lived with this terror for almost two freakin' days. I mean, this is like living in London during the Blitz. I wonder if it's this bad in the White House?).

Now, fortunately, this warning has changed. And, I suppose it's changed for the better. Instead of 6:00 tomorrow night, now the snow advisory is in effect only until 5:15 AM tomorrow.

No. I don't even wonder anymore about how in the hell they came up with 5:15 AM. Can't say 5:00, and they can't say 5:30. Nope. These bastards have to set the time at a quarter past five for no other reason than to drive the OCD afflicted Cheeseheads absolutely batty.

Of course, we're going to get snow tomorrow. In fact, I'm going to say that we're going to get a lot of snow tomorrow.

And, do you know why we're going to get snow?


We're going to get a blizzard because I just posted a picture with no freaking snow on it anywhere within eight hundred miles of my house!

Oh... And you just know that it won't start snowing until sometime shortly after 5:15 in the freakin' morning!

Mother Nature is going to pay for this madness. Tomorrow morning, I am going to drive through the blizzard to Wal-Mart to buy myself one of those cheap styrofoam coolers. Then, I am going to go to the beach and crumple half of it up and throw it in the lake. And, lest I freeze while I'm defiling and violating Nature, I'll burn the other half of the damn thing to keep warm. I may even use an entire can of Aqua Net hair-spray just to stoke the flames.

It's going to be a long, long winter, folks...



Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 12/27/2007 09:21:00 PM


  1. Why don't they just say your'e getting snow instead of telling you by the second?

  2. Well they have been so accurate by us that no one believes them anymore! What happens...we get dumped with 10.1 inches a week ago...I go out in the little snow & roll over my SUV! Ugh! I don't want snow now...I'm off school! I want it when I can have snow days! :-)