Right now, I am happily hopped up on pain meds, and I'm watching my beloved Green Bay Packers as they seem to have forgotten how to play in inclement conditions, and the Bears, those sleazy, grime-coated goons from Chicago, haven't.
It's an ugly, ugly game. The temperature, I think, is somewhere around ten degrees, and there seems to be a gentle, steady breeze of about 40 to 50 miles per hour. I have no idea how to translate that into a wind chill temperature, but I think I can safely say that it's somewhere around sickeningly cold and insufferably nasty.
Nonetheless, as much as I would have loved it if the Packers won, I can't feel terribly bad about this game. The conditions are ugly --I couldn't play football in this nonsense--, and it's just the kind of day where the only thing anyone should be doing is sitting someplace warm with something hot to drink. It seems to me that every bad break is just going the Bears' way.
I think the person I'm most worried about on that Packers' roster would have to be their punter, Jon Ryan. His performance today is probably something people will tell their grandchildren about many years from now, and Jon is probably standing there in the freezing cold thinking of hanging himself. Unfortunately, from what I'm seeing today, if he put a noose around his neck, there's a pretty good chance that he wouldn't be able to kick the chair out from under himself. That's the kind of day the poor bastard is having. I've not seen such an epically dreadful performance since the last time Amy Winehouse took the stage in a drunken stupor and spat upon her adoring fans.
On the plus side, Jon Ryan is from Canada. And, Canadians can always be cheered up by a few cold beers (yes. Even in arctic conditions a cold beer is always welcome, and when he gets home to Green Bay, the beers for him will either be cheap or free), and a bucket of French fries with gravy and melted cheese curds on them.
The funny thing is, I'm really not all that upset with this loss. That's kind of odd. I mean, maybe this is a sign of a kinder, gentler Dan? Maybe I've turned over a new leaf? Maybe the Christmas spirit has settled in and I'm all "Mr. Sunshine now?"
Naaah... It's the pills.
-DP
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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 12/23/2007 01:57:00 PM
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<<<there's a pretty good chance that he wouldn't be able to kick the chair out from under himself>>
ReplyDeleteDan, that was a great line. You do come up with them, Bill