[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] My Email...

Lately, I've not really been getting a whole heap of email. Usually, I get a ton from people condemning me for one thing or another, and I will admit, sometimes the things I write do step on people's toes now and then. But, lately, it's been slow.

On the other hand, I did get one email from someone who strikes me as a little mean and nutty:

Dear Dan,

How can you not believe in our Savior Jesus Christ and celebrate Christmas? Our Lord knows all and knows what a fraud you are and that your just using Christ as an excuse to have fun.

I'm kind of disappointed in that this is the craziest email I've gotten in the past several weeks (of course, that doesn't count the spam I get where I apparently have amassed quite a fortune in international lotteries which apparently, I can spend on a magical pill to increase my bra size so as to please my man.). I'm kind of sad about it too. I miss my crazies. I've even printed out some of the emails to keep in a file just in case I ever wind up in therapy. I'd like to have that resource available for when I'm on that couch, wearing a tin-foil hat and telling the shrink that the ink blot I'm looking at looks like an angry clown driving a school bus full of mimes over a cliff. I want to be able to whip those emails out and say "Look, Doc. I may be abso-freakin'-lutely insane, but here are some real folks you need to worry about."

Lately though, it's been quiet... Almost too quiet... Perhaps the nutters are regrouping? Maybe the religious crazies have reached some sort of deal with the secular crazies, and they are just biding their time until they can unload upon me a massive assault of brain-shredding madness.

Then again, perhaps I'm just being paranoid. I mean, they could be busy wrapping Christmas presents for all I know.

Anyway, speaking of Christmas and how I go about celebrating it, it's actually pretty easy. On Christmas Eve, I go to my brother's house where this massive clan of mine gathers to tell jokes, laugh and just enjoy the company of one another. We eat a lot. Occasionally a gift may be exchanged, and as is always the case, there's never enough beer; so, at some point in the evening, several of us will inevitably have to hop in the one-horse open sleigh and head over the river and through the woods to find the nearest open liquor store.

Now, the really ironic thing is that up until the 1970's (I think it was the 70's it may have even been later), my brother's house was originally a small church. For some reason, that always cracks me up.

After whooping it up there, I usually tend to ramble my way home to get to bed. Sometimes, there's an after party at my niece's house which always gets way out of hand, but as far as I know, this year I am planning on just heading home.

On Christmas Day, I usually go through the same morning ritual as I always do (spill coffee, trip over cats, swear a lot, etc.). Then, when and if I am sufficiently conscious, I start cooking because throughout the entire day, my house will be peppered with family and friends usually roaming in and out and in and out, turning my furnace into a spastic, rattling little collection of sheet metal and ductwork.

Poor thing. Now I know how my father's Volvo felt all those years ago when I was first learning how to drive a manual transmission.

Anyway, that's my Christmas. I just surround myself with the smiling faces of family and friends, and I have absolutely no need to give any sort of supernatural being credit for those smiles and feelings of comfort. I'll thank those who are actually responsible for those things.

Nonetheless, I do hope all your Christmases are wild and wonderful regardless of what you believe. Just make sure you do what you can to enjoy the holiday in whatever way works best for you.

-DP

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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 12/21/2007 08:29:00 PM