[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] I'm Not Pointing Fingers...

But, I would like to ask you what some of you as to your whereabouts this past weekend:

Cops: Woman Groped Mall Santa Claus
Conn. Woman Charged With Sexual Assault While Sitting On St. Nick's Lap

(CBS/AP) A woman was charged with sexual assault after allegedly groping Santa Claus at a shopping mall. (Full story)

Hmm... Now, I did read something a while ago about a strange fetish certain folks have toward the Big Jolly One, and I just scratched my noggin and chalked it up to people just being people. After all, people are capable of getting turned on by the craziest of things, and I'm pretty sure that we all have some sort of element of instant arousal tucked away in some little passionate place in our hearts.

For example, I once (and only once) dated a girl in college who was insanely turned on by Sesame Street characters. That was way more than I could handle, and that fetish didn't mesh well with my lifestyle at the time. After all, it was the height of the Tickle-Me-Elmo craze, and to me, those obnoxious sock puppets were nothing more than objects to torture and destroy (preferably with fire).

Then there's the Girlfriend/Ex-Girlfriend... From what I've been able to gather, her greatest turn on is blue jeans. And, fortunately for me, I also like wearing jeans. I like that. It's simple, and it's not a very difficult thing to appeal to her.

Now, I'd probably run screaming if she said "Dan, I looooove Santa Claus. I want you to dress up like Santa, and I don't care if it's one hundred degrees in August. If you love me, you'll risk the heat exhaustion and a potentially fatal cardiac event by dressing yourself up in Polar wear."

What can I say? I'm selfish. I've got limits.


-DP

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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 12/18/2007 11:13:00 AM