Thursday, July 20, 2006

Number Five is Alive!

    I nicked this from Cindy.  It seemed like a fun thing to do.  And, since today was another busy-busy day, I figured it'd be nifty if someone else could give me something to scribble about.  So, here's my scribbling about five things in various parts of my house.
No disassemble...
Five Things
Five Things in My Refrigerator:
  1. Sülze (head-cheese).  It's a little hard to explain how this little Bavarian treat found its way into my refrigerator without sounding dirty.  The other day me and the girl****** went downtown to buy some sausage at Usinger's here in Milwaukee (my sausage at home just wasn't measuring up, I guess).  The place is awesome and usually infested with angry old German women shuffling around ALSO looking for sausage --German sausage.  We picked up some brats and some hot dogs so large they could make a porn star blush (the hot dogs were big sellers at the Olympics in Utah a while back), and on the way out, I saw the delightful jello mold of chunky little parts, and since it's been almost a decade, I needed me some. 
  2. Cheese.  I have lots of cheese.  In fact, I have more cheese than any normal person should ever have.  It's madness.  I've got three kinds of sharp cheddar, some Roquefort, Gorgonzola, a bunch of Swiss, Cambozola, two kinds of Parmesan, and something green that frightens me.  There's more, but I don't want you to think I'm strange or anything.
  3. Jams, jellies and marmalades.  Two words: Harry & David.  Go ahead...  Ask me what I'm getting for Christmas.  I dare ya. 
  4. Five things wrapped in aluminum foil.  I don't know.  I don't want to know.  Use your imagination if it's important to you. 
  5. Beer.  Hooray Beer! 

Five Things in My Closet:

  1. A box of old porn on Betamax.  I'm kidding.  It's on VHS.  I'm not stupid, ya know.
  2. I have a guitar in my closet.  It's an old, knuckle-busting classical that I picked up for a song (HA!).  It's still not worth much more than that.
  3. Some hiking boots.  They've got dirty scuffs and scratches from exotic places like Montana, Nevada, Utah, Kansas, and the roofs of some friends' houses.
  4. My favorite ugly Hawaiian shirt.  It's hideous.  If you saw me wearing it, you'd point and laugh at me until I started bawling like a three year old. 
  5. Several boxes containing the hard copies of things I've written. 

Five Things in My Purse:

    Now, since I'm a guy, I don't carry a purse.  I have no need for a purse.  But, if I DID carry a purse, inside you would probably find:

  1. A loaded 9mm handgun.
  2. A box of spare bullets.
  3. A pack of smokes.
  4. A big friggin' knife.
  5. A back-up handgun.

Five Things in My Vehicle:

  1. Currently, I have the Sarah Vowell audio-book Assassination Vacation.  It's going to take me a long time to listen to that since I don't drive so much anymore.  Friggin' gas prices. 
  2. Some duct tape.  I drive a Jeep, so, you just never know when you might need something like that, right?
  3. A pair of sunglasses. 
  4. A truckload of wet-naps. 
  5. Some lemon-scented Pledge-wipes for washing the plastic windows on my rag-top.


  1. Dan..uh... :) that's quite a lsit..uh the purse list in definately the scary one! his eme sounds fun! thanks!

  2. I have some Beemster..and some Wensleydale...and, I think, some Asiago. Finished the old cheddar today. Also, salmon steak.

  3. I'd have to disagree with Natalie. I think the cheeses sound much scarier! B.

  4. What was in the Queen Mum's purse? I really would like to know. My guess: dog biscuits, two joints, lipstick, spare Depends, an Uzi, change for the phone, three hits of acid. She always looked happy, that Queen Mum.

  5. Head Cheese, oh that stuff is so gross. LOL. Well you sound like you have a lot of interesting 5 things.

  6. Head cheese?  Duct tape? Strange items wrapped in foil? An ugly Hawaiian Shirt? Pornography on VHS?   I don't know Dan...    I'm starting to wonder about you..