Nothing Much, Today...

    Now, not to sound greedy or anything, but please come to South Milwaukee.  There's plenty to do here --great golfing, a wonderful park, and a whole lot of dumpy bars where cell-phone reception is terrible due to lead pipes and radon gas.

    Please come, leave your car on the street, and rack up those parking tickets like crazy because this city desperately needs the money to buy more fireworks. 

    I had a great time yesterday.  I spent six hours in the park with a former candidate for mayor, and he and I tried to keep enough alcohol in our systems to make the fifty-degree temperature tolerable.  Unfortunately, this task was made considerably more difficult by the thirsty swarm of mosquitoes who kept sucking out whatever antifreeze we put in.  A little bug spray, perhaps some long pants, and maybe a jacket, and I wouldn't have had to drink so much.  However, being the ridiculous genius that I am, I decided to wear shorts and a t-shirt.  It's summer, dammit.  I don't care if there is a glacier bearing down on me; if it's July, I'm wearing shorts. 

    Anyway, for six hours we battled the elements (around here, mosquitoes are considered an element), and, in the end, we were greeted with a fifteen minute fireworks show, capped off by a thirty-second grand finale. 

    Don't get me wrong, it was nice, but it brought up the following conversation between me and the loser of the last mayoral election:

    "Kind of a let-down," I said.  "Last year's were better."

    "That's why you should have voted for me," he said. 

    "I've known you for thirty years," I said.  "Trust me.  I did the city a favor by not voting for you."

    "Well, I would have made sure we had better fireworks."

    "How?"

    "I would have skimmed from the police fund," he said. 

    "I think that should be your next campaign platform," I told him.  "Less cops.  More explosives." 

    "Think they'd build me a statue?"  He laughed.