Well... Here in Milwaukee, there's going to be a new running sausage in town.
If any of you watch ESPN, you may be familiar with the Running Sausage mascots of the Milwaukee Brewers. A while back, one baseball player, Randall Simon, even took to clubbing the Italian sausage in an attempt to fix the traditional seventh-inning sausage race.
Since that little skirmish, those little links have achieved a certain cult status. ESPN even did a spoof on the running with the bulls with these guys. Hillarious!
Anyway, tomorrow they're going to announce a NEW running sausage. And, up until now, they've always been the fabulous four of Euro-trash sausages: #1 is the Bratwurst; #2 is the Polish sausage; #3 is the Italian; #4 is the hot dog (Frank to his friends).
Tomorrow, during a scheduled press conference, Sausage #5 will be announced, and the word on the street is that it's going to be the sausage favored by trendy, latin-American foodies everywhere --The Chorizo. I know.. It's actualy Portuguese, but I think we're giving it Mexican credentials because, you know, it's politically correct, and I can't think of the last time the Portuguese actually fielded a Major League Baseball player.
Now, I've got nothing against Chorizo. I think it's quite a tasty sausage, and I always add some to my chili. The problem I have is that this fifth wheel, so to speak, is seriously going to screw up our drinking plans when we go to a baseball game. Normally, four of us go to the game, and aftersome profanity-laced arguing during our usual tailgating, we each put down twenty bucks, pick a sausage and the winner buys a round of beer for the losers. Adding a fifth to this equation means we are going to need to add another friend or else there's a chance the money will go unclaimed, and we will wind up staring at each other wondering just who in the hell is going to buy us beer after the Sausage Race.
The neat thing is that I was thinking about having the Sausages as my groomsmen in my wedding should that tragic day ever come. I mean, how cool would it be to do the "Chicken Dance" with a bunch of sausages? That's like one food mocking another. And those church photos would ROCK! And just the notion of driving around in a limo with a big, smiling hot dog head sticking out fills my heart with more glee than I can handle.
Anyway, the Chorizo should be cool in spite of the complications to our drinking and gambling. And well... The only thing better than four sausages in my wedding party is five. I hope he's got a tux.