Now, before I begin, it should be noted that I still haven't popped open my forty. I was going to last night, but as I pulled up to a nice spot beneath the bridge here in Milwaukee, there were some pretty seedy looking characters, and I figured that Wednesday nights are probably not the best time to consume malt-liquor out of a paper bag along the lake shore. In fact, around here, it's damn near impossible drinking in public. 
Case in point: the movies. Has anyone ever tried sneaking a forty ounce bottle of malt liquor into a movie theater in June? First, I'm sure the jacket's a dead give-away. You see, those bottles are pretty big, and all I really want to do is have a beer while I'm watching a movie. I'll even buy the 55-gallon drum of popcorn with the artificial-butter-flavored oil slick if you'd just let me enjoy a recent movie with my bottle of delicious malt liquor. Is that too much to ask? It doesn't even have to be a good movie. I'll willingly suffer through Lindsay Lohan in Prairie Home Companion, so long as I can have my precious forty and relax in an air-conditioned movie theater. It's hot and I'm thirsty!
There's a really nice, big park by my house. It's full of all sorts of wildlife like deer, foxes and even owls. I wouldn't mind drinking there, but I'm told that I need a permit to drink alcohol in the park. Not only does it take a couple of weeks to receive this permit, once I do receive it, I have to remain in the designated area of my permit while I drink my malt liquor. That seems a little silly to me. I mean, I'd be standing there by myself in the middle of this vast picnic area with just a forty ounce bottle of malt liquor. Where's the fun in that?
McDonald's is right-out. Apparently, in the eyes of Mayor McCheese, it's verboten to wash down a Big Mac with forty ounces of delicious, thirst-quenching malt liquor.
Anyway, if anyone out there has any ideas as to a good place for me to drink my forty, I'm open for suggestions. It seems kind of selfish of me to drink it at home. After all, this is a bottle that should be taken out in public!
-DP
Chipotle . . . you know the mexican burrito buffet? Hablo espanol? Doesn't matter cus they kinda speak-a the English there. Either way, I am sure you can bring in your 40, actually I am almost positive you can, they could care less, hell it is a fast food joint and they sell Corona during lunch hour. You just let them know you will keep their immigration issues hush hush and they will let you slip by. Oh, and the music there is VERY festive.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it where ever it is you end up drinking it.
Amanda
http://journals.aol.com/trickeytricky/CountryMyKindaLivin
I could suggest a few places if you were HERE in So Cal. I don't know your area so I'm afraid I can be of no help. Let us know where you finally enjoyed this forty! Can't wait to hear the story!
ReplyDeletePamela
around here there are some public beaches where you can sit on the sand, soak up the sun, watch the lake, and drink a 40. you should have some of those in wisconsin of all places.
ReplyDeleteI suspect the drinking laws are so repressive in Wisconsin due to its proximity to Canada. Not only is it illegal to drink in public here, it's considered shameful. My dad has his dad's old liquor license. That's right, people in Ontario used to have to show their liquor license in order to buy alcohol. The liquor store was like an old bank. You filled out a little order slip, and got in line. When you got up to the little wicket, you handed in your order. The person behind the counter would stare at you disapprovingly over his glasses for a few seconds, and then shuffle into the super secret back room to collect a bottle of whiskey for you. It would be placed in an unmarked brown paper bag, and handed across the counter to you; but slowly, oh so slowly, as if it might be snatched back at any moment if you showed any inclination to suddenly turn into a reprobate. The clerk would then record your purchase in your license book (oh yes, I said record your purchase; if you were thought to be purchasing too much, the stare would be extended to several seconds, and be accompanied by a judgemental frown) and it would be stamped with an official government of ontario approved liquor purchase stamp, and you would be free to go on your way, straight to your home, where you would turn out all the lights, pull all the shades, and sit in the dark, quietly sipping rye, and contemplating strangling your wife.
ReplyDelete-Paul
http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/
Jesus, Paul!!! That's madness!
ReplyDeleteDan, please tell me that's a 2nd refridgerator. Even if it is a beer fridge, it's pathetically empty.
ReplyDeleteIf you haven't sucked down your 40 yet, this is what I'd do if I were you...pick the nicest day this weekend, grap your 40, your smokes and an acoustic guitar and sit on your front steps, play some tunes and just hang out and drink.