Communist Ties...

 

    A short time ago, as I was finishing up my delightful lunch of Chef Boyardee mini-ravioli (sometimes, I crave), my phone rang.

 

    "Hello," I said.

    "DAN!"  The very loud voice of my friend said after a long pause.  "Happy F#@%ing birthday!"

    "Thanks," I laughed.  "How are you?  What's new?"

    "Good," he yelled. "I'm in China.  It's like tomorrow here!"

    "What the hell are you doing in China?"  I asked as I found myself yelling back even though the connection seemed fine. 

    "Work!" He bellowed.  "Sucks!"

    "Bummer!"  I yelled.

    "Hey," he said after some unusally loud small-talk.  "What do you want for your birthday?"

    "What?" I shouted.  "Nothing!"

    "C'mon," he begged.  "What do you want?"

    "I don't know!"  I said as I tried to think of something China is known for, "heroin and nun-chucks." 

    "I'm serious!"

    "Surprise me!"

    "What?" He asked.

    "Surprise," I shouted realizing that we must be deaf from screaming at one another over a perfectly good telephone line. 

    "A tie?" He asked.  "Who the hell wants a tie from China?" 

 

    Eventually, I just gave up, and we settled on the fact that he will bring me a tie and possibly something Communist.  Still, I have to smile at the notion that both the Chinese and American government eavesdrop...  err..  "data miners" are probably sitting there thinking "My god, man.  What a couple of retards." 

 

    Who knows?  Perhaps they'll call one another and have a laugh.  Perhaps, in the time it took me to write this, fifteen new tie factories opened up in China.  One never knows these things, do they? 

 

-DP