[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] We Truly Are That Stupid...

Now, I may occasionally pick on Canada, and in my mad pursuit of power, I do harbor the desire to put on my boots, grab a pointed stick, head North, and declare war on Canada.

However, that's only because I'm freakin' bat-shit crazy, and the odds of me actually carrying out an assault on our neighbors to the North are pretty slim. After all, the potential for war is easily erased by some friendly Canuck giving me directions to Ottawa. I'm weak that way, and Canadians are just really nice people.

The thing is, as crazy as I am, there are a lot of folks here in America who are just plain stupid. And, it's not the funny kind of stupid where smart Americans such as you and crazy Americans such as me look on and laugh.

Nope. These people are so freakin' dense they've actually concocted in their little, narrow, bigoted minds that the word "Canadian" would actually be a perfect euphemism for the word "Black."

Last August, a blogger in Cincinnati going by the name CincyBlurg reported that a black friend from the southeastern U.S. had recently discovered that she was being called a Canadian. "She told me a story of when she was working in a shop in the South and she overheard some of her customers complaining that they were always waited on by a Canadian at that place. She didn't understand what they were talking about and assumed they must be talking about someone else," the blogger wrote.

"After this happened several times with different patrons, she mentioned it to one of her co-workers. He told her that ‘Canadian' was the new derogatory term that racist Southerners were using to describe persons they would have previously referred to [with the N-word.]" (Full Story, BoingBoing, Huffington Post)

Yes, folks. That's how embarrassingly rock-stupid Americans are. We really have become the dumbest freakin' people on the planet.

Perhaps the most telling aspect here is how woefully gutless and cowardly these garden-variety, witless bigots truly are. Wouldn't you think that if their conviction were so strong, and if they actually believed in the validity of their misguided appraisal of minorities, they wouldn't need to rely on silly euphemisms such as calling a black person a Canadian?

At one point, I really do want to laugh at the dumb bastards. Let's face it, it's damn funny how stupid these idiots are; however, there's also a great deal of embarrassment that these Gomers are out there, and they're allowed to reproduce and extend their ignorance into subsequent generations with an army of equally brainless, sticky children with Kool-Aid mustaches, green teeth and bad haircuts.

I think the real irony is that these silly, insular, uneducated people calling black people Canadians probably couldn't find Canada on a map --even a map with a big, red, beaming arrow saying "This way to Canada, Gomer!"

Unfortunately, I have a brother who is a pretty silly, closeted bigot who's always griping about minorities, so I intend to have a hell of a lot of fun with him. And, when he looks at me somewhat askew when I point out to him that his people are now calling those people "Canadians," I can have a great laugh because I'm not the brainless twit who came up with the hilariously stupid euphemism, and it's not my fault he didn't get whatever memo his buddies were handing out.

Anyway, this whole thing has Monty Python written all over it. I can see the KKK meeting now:

"Right then! First order of business: It has been brought to my attention that we are no longer calling black people "niggers," but we're going to be calling them Canadians from now on. Everyone got that?"

"One thing sir?"

"What's that?"

"Well, Charlie here says they have black people in Canada, so what are we calling black Canadians?"

"I think we should call them French."

"But, they already have French Canadians."

"Oh yes. Last week when you were out shopping for an armoire with your wife, we agreed on calling them Germans."

"Isn't this going to make a mess of the Alsace again?"

"Shut up!"

"Umm... What about the Polish, sir?"

"Shut up! Now, getting back to Canadians..."

"My wife's Polish, sir."

"Excuse me, sir? Are the Dutch now being called Welsh?"

"I'll have to check with HQ on that one."

"The Polish do wonderful things with cabbage, sir."

"Fine! The Polish will be called Dutch, and the Dutch will be called Welsh. All in favor?"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Mexicans?"

"Mexicans are Italians!"

"Swedish?"

"Swiss."

"Oh. We like the Swiss. They do good things with Ikea."


Yup. Another Sunday in Dumb America.

-DP


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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 1/27/2008 10:50:00 AM