[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] Brrrrbrbrbrrr....

Man...

It's a weird morning. I've only been awake for maybe a half an hour so far, and already, things seem to be a little nutty.

For example, I'm sitting here at the moment thinking about the big, hulking freezer chest in my basement that's just sort of sitting in the corner, doing its thing keeping food and stuff solid. It's handy. It's got a goose and two ducks in there that I really should get around to cooking someday. But, that's not what this is about.

Today, it's colder outside than it is inside my big freezer, so I'm pretty sure the poultry in my freezer is slightly better off. It's five degrees below zero with a wind chill of minus 25. So, if nothing else, so far this morning, I haven't really noticed a whole lot of positive things since getting out of bed.

I've come to the realization, however, that the cold is probably why Canadians are such damn nice people. I like Canadians. How could you not? They're all pretty decent, polite, they've got good food, and they like beer... good beer.

But, they've got a hidden agenda. I think, in the Canadian mind, they want to be nice to people who live in warmer climates in the hopes of being adopted and taken home to a nice life someplace where a person's head doesn't explode when they step outside to pick up their morning newspaper. And, who could blame them?

There's cold, and then there's just plain stupid cold, and we here in the Land of Cheese are stepping precariously close to the realm of stupid where only crazy people like the Donner Party live.

Tomorrow, there's the Packers' game, and of course I'm going to be watching and screaming at the TV and doing everything I can to root for my team, but it's going to be stupid cold, and I'm pretty sure they'll be showing a lot half-naked crazy Cheeseheads braving hypothermia and frostbite while the announcers say things like "This is what football is supposed to be like."

Will it be a fun game?

Oh yes.

But, it's going to be cold. And, I'm sure you're going to hear a lot about the cold, again, and again, and again...

I don't like negative numbers. In fact, if I learned anything in college, it's that negative numbers in something like, say, a checking account, are bad and should be avoided at all costs. Unfortunately, my thermometer only has a Celsius and Fahrenheit setting, and mornings like these make me wish it would display things in Kelvin since, not only would I like to know how close my Jeep is getting to turning into a Bose-Einstein Condensate, but I would also like to wake up with ice on the windows, and see that the thermometer is reading a nice, comfortable 265 degrees above zero.

After all, let's face it, when you see temperatures like that, you think margaritas, you think Mexico, you think gosh, it's hot! I think I want to just sit in the chair with a cold beer. But no. It's still cold, but it's not the sort of cold where the freakin' thermometer is mocking you every time you step close to a window.

Anyway, I'm off to find a way in which to make this morning make some bit of sense. I suppose it doesn't help that I'm watching some comically cheesy movie called Snakehead Terror where people are running around shooting killer fish that wander into their homes and beach-front cabins like Chevy Chase's infamous Landshark from Saturday Night Live. Right now, some teenage girl with a dead eye is blasting a shotgun wildly at a fish infestation that's eating her boyfriend while waiting for Carol Alt to either get naked or save the day.

Yeah... It's still not making a damn bit of sense.

-DP


--

Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 1/19/2008 09:32:00 AM