Birthday Food.

    Behold!  The Wil Wheaton Birthday Frittata.

    I blame the combination of boredom and a celebrity blogger's birthday for this.  

-DP

I Need Breakage!

    Ahoy, Crazy People! 

    Before I begin, here's the link to my Blogger Blog so you can all update your bookmarks and whatnots if you should so choose. 

    Aside from that, I'm going to most likely be taking a little break from the blogging world for a couple of days to rest my sore fingers and tend to the usual chaos of life.  I've got yet another infusion slated for Friday, and believe me, I can certainly feel it when it wears off, and by the day of my infusion, I'm a  big wicked, bitter, achy, arthritic bastard.  So, it's probably in my best interests to make it a light week rather than bang away on the keyboard with these fingers that are just swollen, pudgy, little digits. 

    In other words, I've got two hands full of thumbs. 
   
    Now, on to the other news... 

    Yes.  I am jumping from AOL to Blogspot.  I like the idea of having a little more control over layouts and whatnots (even though I really don't know what the hell I'm doing), and I'd also like to hear from more folks out there on the  Whirled-Wide interweeble.  And, I think Blogger's more open commenting environment makes that possible. 

    AOL, though ridiculously easy to use, has gotten somewhat sterile for me.  And, if my writing is going to continue to suck, I'd much rather it suck on a unique page.  In my confused mind, that sort of thing somehow manages to make sense to me. 

    Now, originally, I tinkered around with the notion of using this blog as a mirror of my Blogger blog.  It's actually easy to do through AOL's mobile blogging feature, but it is kind of clumsy. 

    Don't worry, though.  I'm going to try to continue posting here, but it's going to be occasional. 

    So, I think that settles that.  I'm going to wander off to go watch Eureka.  But, please feel free to leave your questions, comments, and sundry scoldings if you've got any. 

-DP

Damn...

    Remember kids:  when attempting to post on AOL Journals, it's very important to save a copy of what you've written to your clipboard.  To do this, simply hit Ctrl+A, followed by Ctrl+C.  Then, when AOL demonstrates that their Journals product has, in fact, been coded by monkeys who've suffered some form of substantial head trauma, you can simply hit Ctrl+P when, and if, the capricious program sorts itself out.

    That said, rather than sit down and re-write the previous 3,000 word essay I foolishly attempted to post, I'll give you all the question and let you share your thoughts in the comment section.

     In an entry from last Saturday, Southernmush left the following comment:

Hi !!!!!!! Tonight I am feeling and thinking Political. What do you think of one's responsibility of having a voice when it comes to something they don't like or believe in ?? Do you think its important to have a voice when you feel a certain way ????

Thanks for sharing this. Take care.
#5 Comment from southernmush - 7/21/07 8:07 PM

    Now, I had written a rather hefty reply to this.  And, no offense to Miss Mush, but I have no desire to retype the whole thing.  However, I will leave you with the following statement to gnaw on to hopefully help get you all started:

    All great change everywhere always starts with a small, single voice somewhere.

    That said, please share some thoughts. 

    I'm off to tweak my Blogger Blog since I plan to start posting there much more often and here a hell of a lot less. 

-DP

Kneel Before Zod!

    Behold the awesome power I possess:

Feingold Proposes Bush Censure

AP

Posted: 2007-07-23 06:09:53

Filed Under: Nation, Politics

WASHINGTON (July 22) - Liberal Democratic Sen. Russ Feingold said Sunday he wants Congress to censure President Bush for his management of the Iraq war and his "assault" against the Constitution.(full story)

    Last Thursday, I sent Senator Feingold a blazing email in response to the latest Executive Order coming out of the White House, and today I awoke to see that he's now calling for a censure of our president.  (Yes.  Yes.  I know.  It's merely a coincidence, but in my mad, self-important, power-hungry world, I take what I can get).

    Unfortunately, it seems Russ didn't really pay too much attention to my email.  If he did, he really wouldn't be calling for the rough --yet, when it comes to this administration, ineffective-- public scolding a censure provides.  Nope.  If he followed my email, Senator Feingold would be standing on the front porch of the White House swinging a bar of soap inside a red, white and blue sweat-sock.  That's the only kind of censure that would get this president's attention.  Bush is a bully (albeit a very dense, mushy-brained bully, but a bully nonetheless).  And, words and these sorts of censures don't really have much of an effect on someone who rules through such fear and intimidation. 

    Ah well...  If I ever write my elected officials again, I will try to be a little more clear. 
        
-DP

Well, That Settles That...

    Set the Way-Back Machine, Poindexter. 

    Way back in November of 2006, I posted an entry with the following picture:

    At the time, I said that I was 99% sure it was Photoshopped.  However, thanks to the folks at Metafilter, it's been brought to my attention that this picture is, in fact, 100% legitimate, and it is actually quite common along Maho Beach in the St. Martin Islands.  And, as you can see in the following video, the Air France pilot pictured above actually seems to come in a little high compared to those crazy Dutch 747-jockeys of KLM. 

    Yowza!  Fly safely, folks!  And remember to keep those seats in an upright position. 

-DP

Caturday Night's Alright!

    Hey!  Neato!  Which LOLCat are you?

      Your Score: Cheezburger cat:      64%  Affectionate, 54%  Excitable, 66%  Hungry      

     

      Sure, you deserve one. You helped popularized lolcats from a running gag to an online sensation. Now mainstream media writes asinine columns on this 'phenomenon', students write theses on the topic, programming languages adopt the grammar, and losers write tests about them on dating sites. Now take your cheezburger and never touch the internets again.

To see all possible results, checka dis.     

Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku

G'day, indeed!

    When we last left our two misguided lovers in Australia, the "other woman" had shown up in Perth, and all bloody hell was about to break loose in the land down under.  However, now, things have gotten considerably more complicated:

    They're breeding! 

    Quickly.

    And, they've tossed a Tasmanian into the mix.  That could make this tawdry little affair considerably more interesting.  It's like tossing a badger into a day care. 

    Who knew Australia could have such drama?  Stay tuned, I suppose. 


    In other news, someone is still alive in South America:

    I was wondering what happened to that part of the world.  It's been almost six months since someone from the deep south dropped in.  

    By the way, what is that?  Buenos Aires?

    How's the weather down there?  It's winter, so I'm thinking it's snowing and cold, and pretty soon, Santa will be on his way.  After all, let's face it, the Jolly Red Man (no, I'm not talking about Hugo Chavez) and his bulky winter outfit doesn't exactly work for a nice, summer day in late December in South America.  So, it's probably better to have Christmas in July, isn't it? 


    Yes, people!  I am just babbling.  I can't really think of anything to write about at the moment, but I do think I need to keep these arthritic digits moving lest I wind up looking like some sort of twisted, crippled character out of a Harry Potter book (speaking of which, how many of you already got your copies?).  Plus, I'm going to be plunking around on my guitar tonight with a friend's bad, so I probably should see what I can do to get these knuckles a little more functional.  So, it's pretty much going to be a day where I just type, type, type.

    Anyway, since my head is not exactly working due to lack of necessary caffeine, I figure today I'm justgoing to do what Emily does, and ask (or beg) you all to suggest a topic for me to write about.  I promise I will try to make sense. 

    So, fair planet earth, what's on your mind?

-DP

I Wonder if They'll Go Far Enough to Find His #%@&-ing Head?

    I'm going to tell the truth.  I honestly don't know how to feel about this. 

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Vice President Dick Cheney will serve as acting president briefly Saturday while President Bush is anesthetized for a routine colonoscopy, White House spokesman Tony Snow said Friday.

    On the one hand, we've got President Bush suffering some major discomfort, which is good (in fact, I wish they'd use a 1990's-era Sony Handicam duct taped to the end of a two-by-four of rough-hewn pine for the procedure, but that's just the dreams of mad, little, evil me).   Perhaps, after waking up a wee bit sore in the trailer, George might be able to develop a little sympathy for what the average American has gone through these past six and a half years. 

    On the other hand, the phrase "Acting President Cheney" leaves a very bad taste in my mouth.  It's like chewing on a piece of stale, black licorice that's been dipped in goat vomit and doused with kerosene while a one-eyed midget with brass knuckles punches you in the plums. 

    Fortunately, this has happened before, and it was all uneventful.   Still...  If you should find yourself feeling a little unhappy or sad tomorrow, just try to imagine what our Commander in Chief is going through, and do try to smile. 

-DP

Back in MY Day, We Lived in a Shoebox and Ate Dirt!

    Now, it's no small secret that some folks out there seem to think that Harry Potter is "teh Debil!" and those who read J.K. Rowling's books are going to be turned into witches, warlocks, and (if you're not lucky) newts and toads. 

    Still...  Sometimes the outrage is so bloody hilarious that it's just impossible not broadcasting it to the world.  Religion is a source of much giddy laughter in my world, and the following letter sent to the editor of the Kingsport Times News in Tennessee has to be one of the greatest examples of blind hatred and fear I've seen in a long long time.  So, let's take a look, shall we?

Letters To The Editor - Letters from July 18 Immorality is destroying America     

Modern day America is just about as immoral as Sodom and Gomorrah.   The people of this day and age are unthankful and unashamed.

    [Hi!  Dan here!  Actually, there are several schools of thought on the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.  The Bible states that it was destroyed as a result of inhospitality.  Bible-Thumpers believe it was destroyed because of teh gay.  Science points to evidence that what is currently believed to be the location of the city of Sodom was built upon what is not only a rather active tectonic area, but also one of the planet's largest sulfur deposits.  So, if we are to learn anything, it should be that it's a terrible idea building a city on the geological equivalent of a big freakin' match.] 

Back in my day, people shouted as they walked to church, and they shouted all the way home. [Shouting?  On a Sunday morning?  People have been shot for less I'm thinking.]  Now people don't even go to church. They took prayer and Bible study out of the schoolhouses  and brought in sex education and witchcraft. [They didn't take prayer or Bible study out of school.  Kids are still free to engage in these extra-curricular exercises.  As for the Sex-Ed, we'll get to that later in this letter, okay?]  You parents that let your children read these Harry Potter books are guilty of witchcraft and idolatry and you're going straight to hell. [As opposed to a "Heaven" filled with...  umm...  You?]

Instead of getting a thrashing for misbehavior, the parents, teachers and doctors today get these children heaped up on ritalin. [Don't forget the importance of beating the crap out of your children for reading books.]  You could give ritalin to a cocaine addict and they wouldn't know the difference.  [Ahh...  The voice of experience, methinks]  Then, they wonder why this generation has amounted to nothing more than drug addicts, fornicators and murderers. [And physicists, astronauts, scientists, artists, etc.  The previous generation had its LSD and "Debil Music" and they seem to have turned out fine and dandy.  Before that, it was Elvis!]

Back in my day we didn't turn to a pack of pen-pushing pantywaists and labcoat Larrys to tell us how to live. We turned to the word of God. [Science isn't telling us HOW to live.  Science is telling us WHY we live.]

It seems like every time I go to the store I see a teenage girl carting around three or four young ones. You used to not see that kind of thing around here.  [Do you still blame sex-education in school for this?]

The women in this day and age ain't worth marrying. [insert snarky, ubiquitous inbreeding joke here] The Bible says a beautiful woman without virtue is comparable to a gold ring in a pig's nose.  [But, the ring is still made of gold, isn't it?  Does the "ring" lose value because of its location, or is it still precious because of its constituent elements?  In other words, stop being a superficial asshat!] 

If I had my way, I'd have it to where these women and their children wouldn't get food or medicine through welfare. [Such a kind and compassionate Christian you are to encourage the starvation and illness of your fellow human beings.  No wonder why people hate your god].  The Republicans tried to do this in 1996, but Clinton vetoed the bill twice until Republicans finally gave in.  [Ah yes.  According to your handbook, when all else fails, and you are faced with something which confounds your tattered intellectual framework, blame Clinton.]

You people ain't smart enough to come in out of the rain. I never thought the good Lord would let me live to see this day.  [Apparently, your "good lord" likes uneducated, inhumane, judgmental, hate-filled fools who "ain't" smart enough to understand that this nation is comprised of many different beliefs.  And, some of those beliefs actually do allow for the reading of fictional books about teenagers in England who wave pointed sticks and rely on magic to solve their problems as opposed to a fictional book about a Jewish man nailed to sticks who also relies on magic to solve the world's problems.] 

Joe Lawson

Rogersville

    Now, the internet is littered with these sorts of paranoid crazies.  Some are considerably funny, and others, like the above letter, are pretty sad.  I get the feeling that Joe is a single man, unable to find a woman worth marrying, and rather than take steps to change his hate-filled ways, he simply blames (among many other things) a benign series of books for his situation.  However, I don't believe many women out there would want to marry a man who is almost too eager to start beating children for ridiculous reasons such as reading a freakin' book.

    Aside from that, I wonder what Joe thinks about the Star Wars movies?

-DP

P.S.   Yes.  This post is simply a waste of time and energy, and in the grand scheme of things, it amounts to nothing more than garden-variety babble.  For some odd reason, I've been in a ridiculously surly mood all week, and it really hasn't taken much to get under my skin. 

    Don't worry, though.  I'm pretty sure I'll be back to my usual madness and insanity before too long. 

    Oh!  And to post MY potential "spoiler" of the final Harry Potter book, in the last chapter, Harry and Ron change the name of Hogwart's to Liberty University and convert all the students and professors to Christianity.

    However, Snape and Dumbledore refuse to convert, and subsequently shave their heads and move into an Ashram in southern Bangladesh where they become masters of the sitar. 
   
    And Hermione Granger learns to bake casseroles. 

V

    I got a mountain of things done today.  However, two things I did today, I hope will have a greater impact than the rest.

    First, I sent a nice email to the folks of The Last Town Chorus to thank them for the nice email they sent me.  I think that's a nice show of kindness on their part, and it demonstrates what a class act that band truly is.  So, unless she starts eating kittens and kicking old ladies in the face, I think Megan Hickey is going to be someone about whom I will probably always have something good to say.

    Second, and perhaps a little more imperative (as seen in the picture above), I emailed my relatively useless and inactive senator to get his spin on the latest Executive Order slithering its way out of the White House.

Executive Order: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabilization Efforts in Iraq

     Message to the Congress of the United States Regarding International Emergency Economic Powers Act

By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including the International Emergency Economic Powers Act, as amended (50 U.S.C. 1701 et seq.)(IEEPA), the National Emergencies Act (50 U.S.C. 1601 et seq.)(NEA), and section 301 of title 3, United States Code,

I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, find that, due to the unusual and extraordinary threat to the national security and foreign policy of the United States posed by acts of violence threatening the peace and stability of Iraq and undermining efforts to promote economic reconstruction and political reform in Iraq and to provide humanitarian assistance to the Iraqi people, it is in the interests of the United States to take additional steps with respect to the national emergency declared in Executive Order 13303 of May 22, 2003, and expanded in Executive Order 13315 of August 28, 2003, and relied upon for additional steps taken in Executive Order 13350 of July 29, 2004, and Executive Order 13364 of November 29, 2004. I hereby order:

Section 1. (a) Except to the extent provided in section 203(b)(1), (3), and (4) of IEEPA (50 U.S.C. 1702(b)(1), (3), and (4)), or in regulations, orders, directives, or licenses that may be issued pursuant to this order, and notwithstanding any contract entered into or any license or permit granted prior to the date of this order, all property and interests in property of the following persons, that are in the United States, that hereafter come within the United States, or that are or hereafter come within the possession or control of United States persons, are blocked and may not be transferred, paid, exported, withdrawn, or otherwise dealt in: any person determined by the Secretary of the Treasury, in consultation with the Secretary of State and the Secretary of Defense,

(i) to have committed, or to pose a significant risk of committing, an act or acts of violence that have the purpose or effect of:

(A) threatening the peace or stability of Iraq or the Government of Iraq; or

(B) undermining efforts to promote economic reconstruction and political reform in Iraq or to provide humanitarian assistance to the Iraqi people;

(ii) to have materially assisted, sponsored, or provided financial, material, logistical, or technical support for, or goods or services in support of, such an act or acts of violence or any person whose property and interests in property are blocked pursuant to this order; or

(iii) to be owned or controlled by, or to have acted or purported to act for or on behalf of, directly or indirectly, any person whose property and interests in property are blocked pursuant to this order.

(b) The prohibitions in subsection (a) of this section include, but are not limited to, (i) the making of any contribution or provision of funds, goods, or services by, to, or for the benefit of any person whose property and interests in property are blocked pursuant to this order, and (ii) the receipt of any contribution or provision of funds, goods, or services from any such person.

Sec. 2. (a) Any transaction by a United States person or within the United States that evades or avoids, has the purpose of evading or avoiding, or attempts to violate any of the prohibitions set forth in this order is prohibited.

(b) Any conspiracy formed to violate any of the prohibitions set forth in this order is prohibited.

Sec. 3. For purposes of this order:

(a) the term "person" means an individual or entity;

(b) the term "entity" means a partnership, association, trust, joint venture, corporation, group, subgroup, or other organization; and

(c) the term "United States person" means any United States citizen, permanent resident alien, entity organized under the laws of the United States or any jurisdiction within the United States (including foreign branches), or any person in the United States.

Sec. 4. I hereby determine that the making of donations of the type specified in section 203(b)(2) of IEEPA (50 U.S.C. 1702(b)(2)) by, to, or for the benefit of, any person whose property and interests in property are blocked pursuant to this order would seriously impair my ability to deal with the national emergency declared in Executive Order 13303 and expanded in Executive Order 13315, and I hereby prohibit such donations as provided by section 1 of this order.

Sec. 5. For those persons whose property and interests in property are blocked pursuant to this order who might have a constitutional presence in the United States, I find that, because of the ability to transfer funds or other assets instantaneously, prior notice to such persons of measures to be taken pursuant to this order would render these measures ineffectual. I therefore determine that for these measures to be effective in addressing the national emergency declared in Executive Order 13303 and expanded in Executive Order 13315, there need be no prior notice ofa listing or determination made pursuant to section 1(a) of this order.

Sec. 6. The Secretary of the Treasury, in consultation with the Secretary of State and the Secretary of Defense, is hereby authorized to take such actions, including the promulgation of rules and regulations, and to employ all powers granted to the President by IEEPA as may be necessary to carry out the purposes of this order. The Secretary of the Treasury may redelegate any of these functions to other officers and agencies of the United States Government, consistent with applicable law. All agencies of the United States Government are hereby directed to take all appropriate measures within their authority to carry out the provisions of this order and, where appropriate, to advise the Secretary of the Treasury in a timely manner of the measures taken.

Sec. 7. Nothing in this order is intended to affect the continued effectiveness of any rules, regulations, orders, licenses, or other forms of administrative action issued, taken, or continued in effect heretofore or hereafter under 31 C.F.R. chapter V, except as expressly terminated, modified, or suspended by or pursuant to this order.

Sec. 8. This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right, benefit, or privilege, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, instrumentalities, or entities, its officers or employees, or any other person.

GEORGE W. BUSH

THE WHITE HOUSE,

July 17, 2007.

    Basically, what it boils down to is that now the government can seize your property and assets without any explanation or slightest whiff of due process.   In essence, I believe this little convoluted mess of gibberish has utterly removed what legs our Fourth and Fifth Amendments provided for our security against a jackboot government.  And, it's becoming more and more apparent that this administration is something from which American citizens desperatelyneed protection.  A president, quite simply, should not be able to cast aside our Constitutional protections in such a way as this.

    Now, I've never written to my elected officials in Washington.  However, I think this is a matter of potentially great concern to all Americans.  And, I suggest you all write to your respective representatives in the House and Senate to have them, if nothing else, explain this latest Executive Order from a president who, on January 20th, 2001 stated the following:

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

*update*   Ah...  Here's an article from Reagan's former Assistant Secretary of the Treasury which gets to the meat and potatoes of this latest Executive Order. 

    Granted, there is a certain element of paranoia to it, but do keep in mind that the following threats most certainly exist with this new presidential authority:

•     A tribunal of political appointees of Bush determine whether or not you are targeted. That's a big threat right there.
•     Your assets can be frozen if they decide that you are "guilty". There's nothing about "proof" or burdens of evidence in that Executive Order. It's based solely on the decisions of the three appointees.
•     You have no way of knowing how they are going to determine your guilt. There exists the possibility that they wouldn't even have to release the information regarding HOW they came to ascertain your guilt. They're members of the Executive and their discussions are not subject to public scrutiny.
  
•     How long do you await trial under these conditions? How long can you last with your assets frozen? Where exactly will you be held?
•     If you assert habeas corpus, how are you going to afford a good lawyer to challenge them to present their accusation? Your assets are frozen and you are to receive NO aid directly for your benefit.
•     None of these accusations by this "tribunal" can be questioned as Bush has effectively side-stepped Congress and the Supreme Court.
  

    See now why this is a BIG issue?  
      
    I do hope I am making a proverbial mountain out of a mole-hill with this, but there is definitely something about the Executive Order which sends a certain chill up my spine. 

It's Thursday!

    Yes.  Thursday's here.  Of course, it makes me wonder; does anything really ever happen on a Thursday?  To me, Thursday's always been a day for the kind of great collective heave that people tend to take before they set out to scream at the top of their lungs for a good, long time. 

    I tend to put my feet up and ferret out the minutiae of the coming weekend by checking my internal list of important things to do:

•     Mow the lawn.
•     Find a bar.
•     Think about taking up a hobby other than drinking.
•     Do laundry.

      It's all very simple, really.  Unfortunately, somewhere in that collection, little things start to show up to complicate my weekend:

•     Answer the phone.
•     Talk to person on phone.
•     Try not to say yes to anything.
•     Somehow agree to "help" caller with miscellaneous yard work until Sunday.

    As you can imagine, my previous four ridiculously simple plans for the weekend go unfulfilled, and I am cast into a sort of bizarre existential torture of not having done anything I set out to do this weekend. 

    I know what you're thinking.  "Don't answer the phone."
   
    Normally, that's an easy thing, and I don't blame you for suggesting it.  I can actually go from Monday to Friday not answering the phone without suffering any repercussions whatsoever.  However, if I don't answer the phone on a Saturday, for example, I will have to explain to the thundering horde of EMTs, police officers, local news' crews, rescue divers (leaky basement, ya know), the volunteer search party and yelping bloodhounds that I didn't, in fact, wake up dead on Saturday morning, and whoever is trying to get a hold of me is seriously overreacting. 

     I've not been able to find a solution to this dilemma aside from saying, I'm going to be out of town this weekend.

    Of course, by using that excuse, and seeing as how I have pets, if I am actually staying home instead of going away, I have to hide under a bed or something while whoever it is who's volunteered to feed my pets while I'm out rifles through my fridge, drinks all my beer and reads my mail. 

-DP

Oh! I Love This So Much!

    I was sitting here typing happily away when a really fascinating little song popped up in one of my random little internetty music gizmos, and I just fell in love with it on the spot.

    So, I did a little digging, and I managed to find one of their videos on YouTube.  It's a great cover of a pretty decent original:

  
     I like it, and I want to hear more from this gem of a girl named Megan and her little band The Last Town Chorus. 

    Hope you enjoy!

-DP
 

I Think I Must Have This!

   
    Yes.  That's bacon ice cream. 

    Bacon!  In ice cream! 

    It's one of my favorite things added to another of my favorite things.  In summer, no less.  I think I may need to use this bacon ice cream to create that ever elusive perfect "Beer Float." 

    After all, adding ice cream to beer just doesn't seem to come out as good as you'd think. 

    Anyway, in case you're anywhere in the Delaware (Del-uhh-where?) area, drop in on this guy's shop to have a scoop or two of something really weird.  I mean, he makes barbecue ice-cream for pete's sake! 

    So, how about you?  Would you be adventurous enough to eat any strange ice cream flavors, or do you tend to play it safe?

-DP
   

Not Exactly the Love Boat.

    I got a huge kick out of Johann Hari's article in the Independent in which he takes a cruise with the Neoconservative crowd of blissfully unaware and evil National Review readers. 

    Seriously, these "Bushies" are such a twisted lot, that I do honestly fear for the life of America's next president --whomever that may be.  They are genuinely insane with petty hatred and the irrational vilification of any and all who don't share their twisted ideology.  In short, they are absolutely no different from the terrorists.  Seriously.

     From the article (worth reading in its entirety, by the way):

I lie on the beach with Hillary-Ann, a chatty, scatty 35-year-old Californian designer. As she explains the perils of Republican dating, my mind drifts, watching the gentle tide. When I hear her say, " Of course, we need to execute some of these people," I wake up. Who do we need to execute? She runs her fingers through the sand lazily. "A few of these prominent liberals who are trying to demoralise the country," she says. "Just take a couple of these anti-war people off to the gas chamber for treason to show, if you try to bring down America at a time of war, that's what you'll get." She squints at the sun and smiles. " Then things'll change."

    I don't get it.  Is it the daily dose of fear which our leaders are spoon-feeding us that twists a normally functional adult into a hate-filled, social disaster such as this?  The only thing demoralizing America these days are these people and their blind endorsement of the wholesale slaughter of the citizens of a sovereign nation that did not attack us, nor did it have any ability whatsoever of doing so.

    But wait!  There's more:

To my left, I find a middle-aged Floridian with a neat beard. To my right are two elderly New Yorkers who look and sound like late-era Dorothy Parkers, minus the alcohol poisoning. They live on Park Avenue, they explain in precise Northern tones. "You must live near the UN building," the Floridian says to one of the New York ladies after the entree is served. Yes, she responds, shaking her head wearily. "They should suicide-bomb that place," he says. They all chuckle gently. How did that happen? How do you go from sweet to suicide-bomb in six seconds?

    Insane?  You betcha. 

    I have no problem with the creation of Neocon suicide bombers.  In fact, if they could somehow choose more salient targets (i.e. those who attacked us, and those who support those who attacked us), I'd be all for it. 

    Sometimes I wonder about these pillars of morality.  They espouse  pure evil, they claim America, as a result of those on the Left, is tumbling into an immoral, godless and weak nation, and yet they believe ideology such as the following is a hallmark of a truly moral nation and its people:

I spot the old lady from the sea looking for her suitcase, and stop to tell her I may have found a solution to her political worries about both Muslims and stem-cells."Couldn't they just do experiments on Muslim stem-cells?" I ask. " Hey - that's a great idea!" she laughs, and vanishes.

    Weird, huh?  They just don't see their hypocrisy.  However, I suppose if you're going to fork over at least $1,200 for a Hate Cruise, I suppose you could have the luxury of leaving your humanity and common sense back in port. 

    Of course, no pathetic Neocon cruise would be complete without AOL's own witless, chattering, leg-humping lapdog Dinesh D'Souza. 

"It's customary to say we lost the Vietnam war, but who's 'we'?" the writer Dinesh D'Souza asks angrily. "The left won by demanding America's humiliation." On this ship, there are no Viet Cong, no three million dead. There is only liberal treachery. Yes, D'Souza says, in a swift shift to domestic politics, "of course" Republican politics is "about class. Republicans are the party of winners, Democrats are the party of losers."

    Actually, if anything, I believe History will demonstrate that Democrats are the political custodians stepping in with their mops and brooms to clean up the mess made by the irrational, poorly thought-out decisions of the Right. 

    Of course, if any of you are readers of D'Souza, I certainly don't need to tell you how consistently off the mark his biased theories truly are.  D'Souza is an intellectual fraud and nothing more than a pot-stirring, pissant cheerleader for a collection of pseudo-patriotic hate-filled bigoted idiots.  He strives to be an Ann Coulter-esque right-wing spokesperson, but merely comes up short being the mewling, instigating whelp hiding behind your garden variety bully.

Dinesh D'Souza announced as we entered Mexican seas what he calls "D'Souza's law of immigration": " The quality of an immigrant is inversely proportional to the distance travelled to get to the United States."

    Obviously, D'Souza's racism is on parade here (rarely is it not).  And, he's spewing this drivel to any and all who will listen.  And, apparently, he's found a floating Klan meeting out there on the briny blue willing to embrace his hatred and prevarications.  Case in point:  I'm wondering how much Dinesh's so-called "law" only applies to Latinos and not, say, Canadians.  

    Now, I've disliked Dinesh D'Souza for quite some time.  And, I can say without any political bias whatsoever that the only thing Dinesh D'Souza is, is consistently wrong and misinformed.  However, when I learned of AOL's open promotion of his brand of racism by giving D'Souza a NewsBloggers' forum through which he is encouraged to espouse this irrational neoconservative hogwash, I changed my plan to Free AOL.  I simply won't help to pay the salaries of such prattling, bigoted assholes (and yes.  This blog will most likely be deleted as a result of the sour taste AOL has placed in my mouth). 
   
    Nonetheless, this article is a true gem, and very fascinating look into the culture of hate that exists in the approximate 28% of those who support our president.  And, it's an insight into why such support exists.  The rhetoric of this twisted administration certainly encourages the irrational.  And when those who embrace the irrational hate are clogged into one place, it's easy to see how quickly we can become that which we fight. 

-DP

(via BoingBoing)

Stop It!

    Alright!  Stop emailing me!  I'll post it.  But first, the backstory:

    Apparently, some Pagans across the pond are tremendously offended over the fact that someone painted an underwear-clad Homer Simpson brandishing a doughnut beside their beloved fertility god: the club-wielding, and umm...  endowed Cerna Abbas Giant.  Of course, they're obviously going to be considerably more offended when they see that someone has only made it worse. 

    Hopefully, people will actually see the humor and manage a giggle rather than be offended.  Life's too short, and the Homer is, after all, temporary, and the Pagan giant has stood (or lain) for at least 400 years. 

    Now, if you are uncertain as to who would win in a fight between these two, obviously, the following image demonstrates the many uses of an oversized doughnut.  He shoots.  He scores!  That's certainly got to be worth something in the grand, cosmic metaphysical world of deities. 

    Of course, you just knew someone had to do it, didn't you?  I mean, when the static picture started making its way around the internet yesterday, the first thing I thought of when I saw it was:  Oh yeah.  Someone's definitely going to animate this.  I'm surprised it took this long.  

-DP

Some People's Pets...

    I was watching the Tour de France this morning, and saw this:

    Now, it should be noted that neither the dog nor the rider were hurt.  In fact, the dog hopped right up, looked at the rider as if to say "do you mind?" and just continued along the road as though nothing happened.

    The thing that really blows my mind is how ridiculously easy the carbon-fiber rims on these racing bikes transform into the spoked equivalent of a taco shell.  This rider was going probably around three or four miles per hour when he hit the dog, and, as you can see, it just collapsed.

    Now, that sort of thing isn't really a huge deal or anything, but, keep in mind that these crazy bastards are also throwing themselves and these bikes down bumpy, twisting and turning Alpine roadways at speeds way in excess of 40 mph on these wheels which seem as delicate as spun sugar. 

    Kind of scary, don't ya think?

-DP  

*update*    Here's a YouTube video of the rider (Marcus Burghardt) hitting the dog.  It's a little tough to gauge his speed since the video's on a slowed replay, but as you can see, he's not moving fast, and, as Gaz said in the comments, the dog's look is priceless. 

Sorry, Paul.

    Well, so much for my helping Paul get that house in the country he's been wanting. 

Officials find bazookas, snakes and narcotics in mail coming to Canada

TORONTO (CP) - Bazookas, containers squirming with snakes and toys stuffed with cocaine - they've all managed to find their way into Canada in a way most people might never expect.

Neatly packaged and creatively disguised, they're just some of the thousands of surprising discoveries made by Canada Border Services officials simply by examining packages and parcels destined for mailboxes across the country.

"For some reason, people think they can mail anything," said Peter, who works at the international mail processing centre in Mississauga, Ont., which handles 70 per cent of the mail that comes into Canada.
(Full story)

    I'm sorry, Paul.  I thought that bazooka would come in handy for clearing the pesky houses of your neighbors' which get in the way of your much-desired Canadian country view.  I guess now you'll just have to start that meth-lab in your basement, lower the property values, and buy those lots as your neighbors scramble away from the inevitable drive-by shootings and surge in prostitution that comes with life in a drug-riddled neighborhood. 

-DP

Zoom!

    It's a wickedly busy here today, so here's a quick video clip of a freakin' lunatic in a glide-suit flying fifteen feet above a mountain at over one hundred miles per hour. 

    Now, that looks like a heck of a lot of fun to me in one of those "I'm Batman!" sort of ways.  Still, the thing about mountains is that they not only have these things called rocks, but there are these tree-things that have a tendency of leaping out in front of you.  So, if I did manage to leap out of a helicopter and not plummet straight to the ground like a boulder with armpit flaps, chances are, I'd find the only coniferous tree located above the timberline, and I'd plow straight into it.  

-DP

Emily's Interview...

    Emily, the hard-hitting, investigative journalist that she is, has decided to start interviewing sundry bloggers to get to the bottom of what makes people tick.  And, apparently, I am a curious enough of a person to warrant a series of five simple, yet oddly intriguing, questions.  Hopefully, I can stop torturing my cats long enough to answer these questions.  Let's see...

1. What's with the muscles on your stick figure?
   
    I'm a single guy, and chicks dig muscles, Emily.  What you see there is the result of my occasional and grueling workout of a push-up. 

2. How do you know your geology professor never blinked? Could he have been blinking exactly when you were?

    That is something which keeps me awake at nights to this very day.  I can't even remember the professor's name anymore, but I certainly do remember him never blinking.  He also spoke through a wireless lavalier microphone clipped to his lapel even though the class consisted of fewer than fifteen students in a small lecture hall.  So, he pretty much was the garden-variety, non-blinking gadget freak.

    Anyway, during his lectures on rocks and whatnots, I would try very hard not to blink for great stretches of time to the point where my eyes would dry out in the hopes of catching him in a blink.  And, after several classes spent doing this, and realizing that it didn't work, I decided to mix it up a bit and see if I could catch him by blinking at random intervals.  Sometimes I would incorporate a sort of Morse code into my blinking with a series of short and long blinks. 

    Unfortunately, since I don't understand Morse code, I have no idea what sort of messages I was sending with my fluttering eyelids.  For all I know, my eyes could have been saying: My!  What nice knees you have Professor. 

    I suppose that would explain why I got an A in that class since I don't recall learning a damn thing about Geology.  Either that, or he just felt sorry for the twitchy eyed retard in the front row who could only communicate through a weird series of blinks and fidgets. 

3. What's your favorite cheese?

    Normally, I'd say free-cheese is my favorite, but I think if I had a choice, I'd have to say that any sort of good Gouda is my fave.  It's simple, but wildly versatile, and if you toss it on a cheeseburger with a little curry-ketchup, it has a way of making people scratch their heads with wonder.  It just seems to play well with other foods. 

    Still, there's a whole heap of cheeses out there that I need to investigate, and they're all good in my book. 

4. Do you swim?

    I haven't swum lately.  But, I used to be quite good at swimming when I was a wee, little lad.  I've even got a bunch of kitchy medals, ribbons and trophies from my previous aquatic lifestyle.  Now, however, I pretty much only use my swimming skills to help me sleep on those rainy nights when I know that in the morning, my basement will be filled with water.   

5. What were the last three things you got in the mail?

    Let's see...  It's Monday and today's mail hasn't come yet.  So, on Saturday, aside from the usual library of catalogs, in the mail, I received a copy of Entertainment Weekly with Harry Potter on the cover (pretty lame issue). 

    I also got a manuscript form a technophobic writer who refuses to make life easier by using email.  Freakin' luddite!  He probably still bangs rocks together to make fire.

    Finally, the coolest thing I received is a Boss DD-5 digital delay to replace the old, beat-to-death pedal I used to use when banging around on my guitars.  Now, if I get a little ambitious, I can futz around with loops and whatnots like KT Tunstall does here:

   
    It's not anything I'm all that eager to start dorking around with, but hey!  If I want to, I can.  No.  It wasn't a waste of money!  Stop looking at me like that.   I need these things. 

    Sheesh...  You will never understand.

    Anyway, I hope that answers all of the questions sufficiently for you.  Now, you know more about me.  Unfortunately, as I do strive to keep this shadowy life of mine away from public speculation, it's clear you all must be "eliminated."   don't take it personally though. 

-DP

What Do Teachers Make?

    I like Taylor Mali.  And, I really like this video of him explaining what it is exactly that teachers make.  It's insightful and inspiring, and if you are an educator of any sort, this is perhaps one of the best examples of someone out there "getting it." 



(via Metafilter)

-DP

My Kind of Wedding.

    I like this.  In fact, after reading this, I may actually have to change those ages old dreams I've held onto of my "perfect" wedding (actually, I'm pretty simple, and my perfect wedding pretty much only involves beer, a good band, and a whole heap of people I probably will never want to see again, but for the sake of this post, let's just pretend for a moment that I'm a normal guy who has normal kinds of dreams and ambitions). 

   

Forget the bouquet: Bride tosses groom

Matrimony meets martial arts at aikido-inspired ceremony

By Gadi Dechter

sun reporter

Originally published July 15, 2007

Some people throw rice at weddings. Barbara Stanton, 48, threw her groom over her shoulder and slammed him down.

Hard.

Unfazed, Jonathan Klopp, 53, jumped up and flipped his black-belt bride onto her back.

That display of holy acrimony went over well with the wedding guests - so well that about 50 of them rushed the mats of a Federal Hill martial arts studio yesterday and had themselves a celebratory brawl (link to full story).

    Now that sounds like fun, doesn't it?  I mean, why shouldn't wedded-bliss begin with a good solid throat punch and a bone-rattling body slam?

    I think this couple will actually last so long as their marriage has at least a little Pink Panther-esque element of Inspector Clouseau and his sidekick Kato who sneaks out and kicks his ass now and then.  I like it, though.  Seems like fun to me.

-DP

A Caturday Assignment.

    Embarrass my pets, huh? 

    Not a problem.  For this weekend's assignment, John Scalzi posted a picture of his cat (the Welsh cat Ghlaghghee) drinking out of the toilet, so here's DogCat guzzling out of the thunder box himself. 

    I know.  It's an old picture because not only am I too lazy to take a new one, it's summer, and I really don't see much of my great, big, furry freeloader.  He pretty much just shows up in the morning, eats, and then it's right back out the door. 

    And, here's DeafCat treating the bird bath as though it was her own personal bidet.  It looks, umm, refreshing? 

    I can tell already that I am desperately going to need to take some newer pictures.  I mean, the yard's been landscaped since this one was taken, and it looks completely different. 

 -DP

Forgive the Following Political Gripe.

    See?  Now, this is what really either infuriates the hell out of me, or it flat-out scares me shitless.

    "The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq, were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th, and that's why what happens in Iraq matters to the security here at home."  George Bush said recently (again). 

    Now, I'm angry because this could be yet another scare-tactic by a fear-mongering, power-mad, Presidential half-wit who's quickly running out of ways in which to justify his poor decisions and his ineptitude. 

    On the other hand, the truly terrifying bits come in when I contemplate the notion "what if, in his addlepated mind, our president actually believes this irrational, convoluted nonsense?"

    Yes.  I hate to say it, but it's a little more comforting  for the average citizen to believe that our president is simply an evil bastard using rhetoric solely fueled by fear and subsequently torturing the American people in order to hang on to what little power he has left.  There's a certain safety in that.  After all, it's much easier to accept that he's just evil and corrupt than it is to think that the supposed leader of the "free world" is blisteringly barking mad.  But, I'm beginning to seriously consider that he IS in fact insane.

    Now, just to be clear, it's been proven time and time and time again that no link between Iraq and Al Qaeda ever existed before September 11th, 2001.  That is something tremendously important when you remember our reasons for going to war, and it's a fact that should be chiseled in stone for George Bush to wear around his neck for the remainder of his life.  The fact that he creates this convenient, alternate reality whenever he needs to justify his reckless and foolish military campaign is not only troubling.  It's terrifying.  He's based a war solely upon his delusions, yet the cost of that war is all too real.  And, as Americans we are everyday being asked to suspend our disbelief and ignore reality for no other reason than to encourage this man and follow him along on whatever personal crusade into which he's dragged the entire world.

    Nonetheless, these are just my thoughts at a time where I am probably better off in bed.  But, these thoughts certainly do keep me up sometimes.  And, as much as I'd like to say that it's not worth losing any sleep over, in reality, it is.  America's been hijacked by a madman and a collection of cowards who eagerly lap up the bluster and fear he spouts.  And, I may not be the most qualified, but I don't really think it's a good idea to look for safety in the hands of a delusional, trigger-happy lunatic. 

    Then again, he could just be evil.  In fact, I'd sleep much better if he was.

-DP

An Outstanding Elephant.

    Why do I think a certain Canadian blogger is behind the elephants running amok in Toronto?

    Here's a link to the 911 call (damn funny!). 

    And, here's a link to the dispatch conversation (also funny). 

-DP

To the Mandy What Matters...

   
   
    Hey!  It's everyone's favorite little hillbilly's birthday again today!  And, of course, that means it's time for me to dig and scour through my archives to dig up one of the funniest pictures I've seen. 

    Yes.  Here is Amanda (Miss Trickster) with a mouthful of marshmallows. 

    Anyway, it seems like it's been a busy year for Amanda.  She's planning her wedding, and though I don't know a damn thing about those things, it seems like she's doing a pretty peachy job.  She's got the cake, the ballpark, a beautiful dress, and, most importantly, a Trapper Keeper with a shiny red Ferrari on it.

    So, drop by her blog and wish her a happy B-Day today if you get the chance. 

-DP

Uh-Oh!

    Egads, mate!  It's the other woman! 

-DP

Hmm... Hard To Decide.

    Here are two pictures from a message thread about unintentionally sexual comics covers and panels.  I just can't decide which one is funnier.  So, help me out.

    Or, this one?

    I think I like the top one. 

Via MetaFilter

-DP

Meme madness.

    Here's a meme I swiped from Dawn.  It seems like the perfect day for that sort of thing since I'm still in lazy-mode. 

    Anyway, please feel free to swipe it if you wish.  And, if you do, leave a comment either here or in Dawn's Blog to show us your handiwork.

    Enjoy! 
     
What curse word do you use the most?
    I'm going to have to say "shit!"  I seem to have been saying that a lot lately, and I don't see that clearing up any time soon. 
 
What time is your alarm clock set to?

    Four in the bloody morning.  It's usually when I wake up and get to making coffee before I plop down to start writing. 

Do you remember where you were on 9/11/01?

    I was sitting in my office here at home watching the morning news and typing a story that would never be important again.  I may revisit it sometime in the distant future, but I don't know. 

Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
   
    If it's a mug shot, I'd rather be the one taking the picture.  Any others, well...  I don't mind one way or the other. 

What was the last movie you watched?
   
    Yesterday evening, I watched Daredevil since it was pretty much the only thing on TV and Jennifer Garner is smokin' hot. 

Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?

    Yes.  Lots.  Sometimes I mix it with bourbon. 

    Actually, in all honesty, I just take the occasional pain killer not so much to help me fall asleep, but to mostly help me stay asleep. 

Has anyone told you a secret this week?

    The ex-girlfriend/girlfriend ad infinitum told me that she loves me, but that's not too much of a secret unless you're either her ex-husband or mother. 

When was the last time you had Starbucks?

    Monday, February 17th, 2003 at 3:00 pm.  Their coffee tasted not entirely unlike an ashtray that's been filled with the urine of a long-extinct species of tropical llama.  I make much better coffee at home. 

Can you whistle?

    Yes.  I am fluent in all forms of whistling. 

Did you watch cartoons as a child?

    We watched cartoons during those precious few moments where we weren't being chased around the house by our knife-wielding drunken, screaming mother. 

What will you be doing in one hour?

    Probably hitting save on this meme.

What was the last song you heard?

    KT Tunstall's "Suddenly I See."  I'm trying to learn it for a party where I'll be making an ass out of myself with a friend's band next weekend.

Last time you cried?

    On the Fourth of July.  It wasn't so much the patriotism or the fireworks, but I dropped a bottle of Pilsner Urqel, and it shattered on the patio out back.  Someone has to weep for the fallen.
 
What’s the weather like?
   
    It's like summer, and if this keeps up, I may actually feel safe taking the ice-scraper out of my car.

What did you do before this?

    I thought about eating some Jello (strawberry), but I fed the cats instead. 

When is the last time you slept on the floor?

    It was the last time I mixed bourbon and pain-killers.  I dreamt of pasta and woke up with half an extension cord in my mouth. 

Do you eat breakfast daily?

    Yes.  But only on those days when I am hungry around breakfast time. 

What did you do last night?

    I slept. 

Do you use sarcasm?

    Never.  Why would I use sarcasm?  You might as well ask "do you use air?"

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

    I will turn old. 

Areyou picky about spelling and grammar?

    I am sometime, butt, it depends on the situation.  I can usualy figure out what your trying to say. 

Have you ever been to Six Flags?

    I have.  I've been there many times, but not since they started naming rollercoasters after superheroes. 

Do you watch the news?

    Too much sometimes.  The news tends to make me angry these days.

How did you get one of your scars?

     I was hit by an airplane when I was five, and I wound up with a huge gash on the tip of my middle finger. 

Who was the last person to make you mad?

    These days, it's just been a steady stream of George Bush.

What is the last thing you purchased?

    A cheeseburger.

What side of the heart do you draw first?

    The right ventricle. 

Can you dive without plugging your nose?

    Yes.  Do people really plug their noses when they dive?

What color is your shaving razor?

    It's the color of dried blood.

What is your blood-type?

    I'll have to check my razor, but until then, I'm going to say it's mostly cholesterol and merlot.

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?

    Someone with a sharp knife.

How do you feel about carrots?

    They make good weapons.

How many chairs at the dining room table?

    I have a dining room table?

Do you know what time it is?

    Yes, I do. 

Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song?

    I would hang myself if I did. 

What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?

    I would start making out with the first woman I could find.  If I am alone in the stuck elevator, I would stand in front of the doors and pretend I'm the dictator of a very small and boxy empire with Musak for my national anthem. 

What’s your favorite kind of gum?

    I don't like gum. 

Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time?

    No.  But, I think they are all a bunch of lucky bastards.

What’s something you’ve always wanted?

    A death-ray and a case of martian whiskey. 

Do you have hairy LEGS?

    Yes.  I think my LEGS! are quite hairy.  Granted, the hair on my LEGS! is not long enough to braid, but it's getting there. 

Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?

    In the ocean, with hungry sharks and a friend who bleeds a lot.

Describe your hair:

    Picture a lot of very scrawny rats jumping off a sinking ship.

Do you have a tan?

    Hell yeah.  I once had a Pakistani gas-station clerk ask me to translate something for him. 

Are you a television addict?

    Only when there's no heroin available.

Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?

    Not since she got the laser sight for her Glock.

Are you a sugar freak?

    I don't think so.  

Do you like orange juice?

    It works nicely with vodka.

What sign are you?

    Pedestrian crossing.


-DP

Beep Beep...

    This is from the works of artist  Hyungkoo Lee, and he's created a very wild collection of creepy yet comical cartoon characters in their fossilized state. 

    Some of the works may be a little tough to identify solely on what they look like, but after reading some of the descriptions, it becomes a little clearer.  It's spooky, but also somewhat entertaining.   As the picture indicates, it's clear the Canis Latrans Animatus never could quite get his paws on the elusive and unusually swift Geococcyx Animatus.
   
    Enjoy!

-DP

Scared Owl.

    Now, this is kind of cool.


    Sorry about the Japanese, but the words really aren't all that important.  To translate, it pretty much seems to be saying "Hey!  Watch what happens when we scare the crap out of this owl with a Jack-in-the-box." 

    I got this from BoingBoing, but because I love you all, I searched YouTube for the video rather than send you to the original over-taxed website they were pimping (BB has a way of sending hordes of visitors to the same place, and subsequently crashing the site). 

You've Got To Be Kidding...

    I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer, by the way.  Just remember, don't forget to be afraid:

Officials Worry of Summer Terror Attack

By KATHERINE SHRADER,

AP

Posted: 2007-07-10 15:54:02

WASHINGTON (AP) - U.S. counterterror officials are warning of an increased risk of an attack this summer, given al-Qaida's apparent interest in summertime strikes and increased al-Qaida training in the Afghan-Pakistani border region.

On Tuesday, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff told the editorial board of The Chicago Tribune that he had a "gut feeling" about a new period of increased risk. (link to full story)

    Now, forgive my language, but Secretary Chertoff, please, kindly go fuck yourself and let America live in peace.  I think we deserve something a little more valid than your gut feelings, asshat. 

    This administration is blisteringly pathetic, and I think we should take a lesson from the Chinese. 

    Let's see...  I don't think it's any coincidence that Chertoff's latest gastro-intestinal distress of terror comes at a time when Attorney General Gonzales is caught lying (again), the fact that the Iraqi government failed to meet every single supposed benchmark, the former Surgeon General came out and said he was muzzled, a DC Madam released her phone records, and so on and so forth.  Oh yeah, and Bush's ratings are in the crapper (where theybelong).

    So yeah...  We're supposed to believe this latest threat is simply the result of  Michael Chertoff's tummy, and not an attempt to distract people from the never-ending series of failures in Washington DC. 

    Ahh...  If only the Democrats weren't also such gutless twerps. 

-DP

Silly Extremists.

    Well, this should go over well...

Pope: Other Christians not true churches

By NICOLE WINFIELD
Associated Press Writer

LORENZAGO DI CADORE, Italy (AP) -- Pope Benedict XVI reasserted the primacy of the Roman Catholic Church, approving a document released Tuesday that says other Christian communities are either defective or not true churches and Catholicism provides the only true path to salvation. (link to full story)

    Really now.  Why do people even bother with religion anymore these days?  Isn't it just better to accept the fact that humanity has evolved to the point where religion is unnecessary?  It's one thing to believe in some sort of God, but it's a whole 'nother kettle of fish to demand that your beliefs are the only ones that matter to anyone other than you.

    The strange thing is, I am stunned that the Catholic church would have the audacity to make such silly proclamations in light of the current controversies surrounding all religions.  And, the truly funny thing is that we are inexorably moving into this new 21st Century, and the philosophies of these religions are simply an antiquated anchor around our necks.  And, from this article, it's as though the Catholic church has become a screeching, terrified child clinging to parental coat-tails and wailing about how it doesn't want to go through the big spooky door between the 20th and 21st Centuries.  And, rather than adapt to inevitable progression of humanity, it chooses to remain in a "safe" little world where it believes it has control over the lives of others.

     Personally, I think if a religious belief is so stringent as to not bend with the constant ideological changes that come with the passage of time and human advancement, then that belief is certainly not worth having.  Philosophical dead weight is just that: dead weight.  After all, how can we become better as a species if we do not embrace our own potential to become better?

    My advice, forwhat it's worth, is to give this still-new Pope an iPod and a iPhone, then show him a calendar, give him a pat on his pointy little miter, and say "Welcome to the 21st Century, Benny.  Don't screw it up."  


-DP

Go Crazy People!

    Currently, my brain is full of lots of nothing today.  So, feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind, or ask whatever questions you may have. 

    I'll be back later. 

-DP

Good Idea, Cinzano!

    Cinzano says: " Awwww...your blog is like The Love Boat! (insert LB theme here) --Cin"

    And I say:

    Welcome aboard!  Drinks on the Lido deck!

-DP

    Look!  Someone else joined the party!

Perfect.

    Now, I think this is pretty much the perfect way of telling Fox News to shut the fuck up.  And, it's a perfect way of pointing out that Fox News and the drooling, empty-headed, inbreds who watch that ridiculous station have no clue when it comes to the damage they are doing in terms of peace and making the world a better place for everyone, rather than making it a more terrified place for their own pathetic ratings. 


    I like it a bunch.  And, if you are part of the Fox News crowd dropping in here, it's funny, but this backhanded swipe at Al Gore seems to have pretty much backfired.  I like that they tried, though.  It makes it so much easier to laugh at Fox News now.  And, in the end, I think I will always take peace over the fear and the hate that Fox and these terrified little cave-dwellers seem to embrace. 

-DP

Oh Mandy...

    Thanks to The Smoking Gun, I am pretty sure I now want to marry Mandy Moore.  She seems so, umm, what's that word?

    Oh yeah.  Normal.

    As evidenced by the hospitality rider on her Lounge Tour contract where she asks for only a few simple things:

    8 bottles of Fiji water
    Fruit platter
    Nonfat yogurt (if in the morning)
    Good coffee
    Veggie plate
    1 bottle of red wine (Cabernet or Shiraz)
    12 Pack of Corona

    That's it. 

    Normally, these stars ask for the damnedest of things, and they justify these bizarre extravagances and hassles as a way of determining whether or not their contracts had actually been read.  However, in this day and age, I think most use the rider as a way to be complete pains in the asses of those crazy enough to hire their bands. 

    Anyway, click the links and check out some of the silly requests of some of your favorite stars (and Carrot Top). 

    I'm off to figure out whether or not Mandy Moore's contract rider is representative of her expectations in men.  If so, I've got a chance.  I mean, so long as she doesn't ask for much, we'll get along just fine. 

-DP

Aussie Love Update.

   
    Well...

    It looks like one of you two kids took my advice.  However, it looks as though someone is either completely lost, or he or she decided to stop off and do a bit of surfing before the long-awaited hook-up.  I suppose that sort of thing could ease some tattered Aussie nerves.  Still, love's not going to wait, people. 

    I wish I could have given you directions, but it seems like that whole "drive East, hit water, turn right," approach seems to work pretty well. 

    Anyway, good luck you two.  That t-shirt is almost yours. 

-DP

Hooray for Hollywood...

    California is a pretty weird place.  For example, tell me any other place on the planet where you can see a headline such as this:

Chewbacca Assaults Marilyn at Kodak Theater

(CBS) HOLLYWOOD, Calif. A Chewbacca impersonator sexually assaulted a Marilyn Monroe impersonator in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood in June. The wookie then evaded arrest, police said.
(Link to full story)

    Seriously.  Where else could you write the line, "The wookie then evaded arrest," in a legitimate news story, and not be dragged to the nearest looney-bin?   

-DP

Bonus...

    It's still Caturday here, and for lack of anything better to write about at the moment, here's a Caturday picture taken from my LOLfeed. 

    What can I say?  I'm a sucker for the funnel-heads. 

    G'night now...

-DP

Live! From Earth! It's...

    Is anyone else watching the Live Earth things on the internets?

    It's kind of cool.  However, I feel kind of sorry for the folks in London though.  They've got the Tour de France in town, there's this Live Earth thing, Wimbledon's wrapping up, and tomorrow is the British Grand Prix.  So, I'm thinking most of England is pretty bottled up right now. 

    So, to all my readers over in the UK, you have my permission to go sit in a nice happy pub and have a wonderful time.  Just make sure to have a proper pint of bitter for me.

    Anyway, right now I'm trying to figure out if I want to watch Jack Johnson in Sydney or Metallica at Wembley Stadium (Genesis sucked, by the way). 

-DP

It's Caturday!

    It's Caturday, folks.  So, here are a couple of cat pictures. 

    And look!  It's a bonus Caturday picture:

    Oh, and here's a site with a heap of kitten pictures for all your Caturday needs.  LINK.  (Warning!  It's cute).

    Is that enough cats for you? 

-DP

Understatement of the Week.

    Here ya go.  I found this picture on one of the Fark message threads, and it's had me laughing all day.  Sometimes, I think you've just got to laugh at yourself, don't you? 

-DP

Shame On You, Utah!

    I don't know why, but this story just really popped a fuse in the part of my emotional circuit breaker that normally tolerates stupid people enforcing stupid policies. 

Woman Arrested for Not Watering Lawn

July 6th, 2007 @ 10:00pm

Sam Penrod Reporting

A widow and grandma spent the morning in jail, arrested for refusing to give a policeman her name when he tried writing her a ticket for failing to water her yard. The woman hasn't watered her lawn in more than a year, and the condition of her yard violates an Orem zoning ordinance.

Tonight, the woman says she is traumatized and shocked that she was hauled to jail, just because she says she can't afford to water her lawn.

[...]

"I didn't want to tell him anything until I talked to a lawyer or my son. I wanted to see what he'd tell me to do. I've never had any experience before with the law, ever in my life," she said.

As the enforcement officer started writing her a ticket, she tried going back in her house. That's when the officer tried to handcuff her for refusing to give her name and resisting the ticket. She tripped on the steps, scraping up her nose and elbows, leaving blood on her door, her porch and her clothes. Perry was handcuffed, fingerprinted and put in a jail cell, where she sat for more than an hour.

"I laid down in there. I never seen the inside of a jail before. I didn't know how it looked, I was really scared," she says.

[...]

When police brass learned what happened, she was immediately released.

Orem police spokesman Lt. Doug Edwards said, "Every officer in his career has situations they find themselves getting into, at the end of it they scratch their head and say, ‘gosh, how did this happen?' Today, I think, was one of those days. Clearly there were some other options available."

After being arrested, Perry is now scared of the police. She says, "Don't ever say no when the police tell you do to something. You better do what they tell you no matter what, even if you don't have anybody to help you. You've got to do what they tell you or they will hurt you."

The officer was sent home for the day and placed on paid administrative leave. Police are not pressing any charges against Betty Perry for either neglecting her yard or resisting the ticket.

    Seriously.  How screwed up does a person have to be to toss around a 70-year old woman and haul her off to jail for not watering her lawn? 

    Even worse:  How screwed up does a police force have to be to just send this asshole of an officer home with a freakin' paid vacation?  He should be scrubbing toilets in the nearest prison with a toothbrush since it's pretty much clear he's not mentally equipped to handle anything more challenging than that. 
   
    Obviously, the city of Orem has taken care of homelessness, guns, drugs, robberies, and freakin' jaywalking, and now they've moved onto cleaning up the blight on their city that is the water-thrifty elderly crowd. 

    What's next for these twits?  Are they going to grab some hatchets and go all Carry Nation on the plague of lemonade stands in the Orem area?

-DP