Behold! It is the sin of buying cheap ass beer.
A while back, The Clone arrived on my doorstep lugging a thirty-pack of this madness in his arms, and since then, it has remained in my refrigerator mocking any and all who foolishly open the door to find this staring back at them. Like a cruel joke, it sits growing cold and inviting, but once opened and consumed, drinking a can of this is like having a wet mud brick embedded in your forehead with a sledgehammer.
In today's market, if a gallon of beer is less than a gallon of gas, trust me, you're better off getting your drink on at the local Citgo station by putting the nozzle in your mouth. Just remember not to smoke, and, apparently, keep the cell-phone calls to a minimum.
The ironic thing is that The Clone originally bought this alcoholic albatross as a joke for someone else's refrigerator; however, I'm reasonably certain that when he showed up on their doorstep all smiley and proud, he was greeted by the business end of a loaded shotgun and promptly told to take that nonsense with him elsewhere.
Unfortunately, I don't have a loaded gun. I do, however, have a sniveling Republican of an older brother with entitlement issues and a propensity to work himself into a frothy rage whenever the wind blows wrong. Every day --every single freakin' day-- he works his way into the house and into the little cave in the basement where I keep this burden. And, with all the elegance of a booze-addled robot, he opens the fridge, grumbles about the cheap ass beer, grabs a cheap ass beer, opens a cheap ass beer, and spends the next thirty minutes bitching about having to drink the cheap ass beer.
I admit, dear reader, in light of my brother's misery, there is a part of me that would like to replenish this nightmare once it's gone, but I really don't wish to give this beer's makers any ideas that their product is in any sort of demand. Perhaps if they sold it with the notion that it is a sort of bubbly, liquid gruel with little value to life other than to sustain one's need for alcohol, I'd know where I stood. Maybe they could slap a tidy slogan on the crate this crap comes in? It could say "Natural Ice! It may not get you a swimsuit model, but it'll piss off a Republican!"
There could be some appeal there, don't you think?
-DP
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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 5/25/2008 10:42:00 AM
I feel your pain! That beer isn't even decent for cooking!!
ReplyDeleteI know. I wouldn't even wash a pig in this stuff.
ReplyDelete-Dan
I agree, this beer is nothing anyone wants to drink.....but there is one worse (& I cannot think of the name of it, so help me!). But, it is made by Budwiser & contains citris juices, tastes like crap & is CLOUDY to boot! Now I have to admit,
ReplyDeletebeing female, I do favor light, kinda fufu beers. I really like Corona Light with lime & salt, Coors Light (w/salt) and I recently tried Chill which already has the lime & salt in it (not bad). But I refuse to drink any beer that you can't see through!
Char
http://journals.aol.com/sendflowers2me
Dan, please tell me this whole thing is a spoof. What brewer would make a beer like this? Even the name turns me off. I am a 55 year Bud drinker and have tried a few dozen other beers. My sons laugh at me for being so loyal to Bud. I drink a can every night at 9 PM for the last thirty years and am sre I would not sleep without it.
ReplyDeleteFess up this whole thing is a joke, right? Bill
(Snort) Piss off Republicans....I no longer drink cheap ass beer, not even the wonderful German hard to pronounce brew...I can however appreciate this entry anyway. Ok, I know he isn't your clone now...still don't get how you ended up with him in your gene pool. (Hugs) Indigo
ReplyDeleteI'm a Bud Ice gal. They were out of it the other day and my son brought home the Natural Ice. OK...I handled it...so I got some more the next day. Bleck! Had to have my Bud Ice. No matter the cost. Hafta' agree with you on this one. :)
ReplyDelete