May seems to have been a crazy month here in the land of cheese with all sorts of odd cheesehead antics and madness. So, if nothing else, one thing's for certain, if this keeps up, it's going to be a damn silly summer.
First off, the month of May started off a little silly when a real estate agent was showing a home to prospective buyers, and, as is sometimes the case during these things, the homeowner was still there. Unfortunately, the homeowner was, umm, just sort of stinking up the place since she'd been dead for two weeks.
I think my favorite quote comes from the real estate agent herself:
"I've smelled death. I know what death smells like," she said. "I can't believe my sinuses were that bad."Ack! Don't beat yourself up, Miss Real Estate Agent. It was a really hard and nasty spring for allergies.
In other news, as the saying about workplace romance goes: "Don't get your meat where you get your bread." Here's a sweet story about a man turned bad, yet not bad enough to not look for a little love to bring something good and wonderful to his life of crime.
The robber forced an employee to open the cash register. He grabbed money, forced the workers to the ground, then fled. However, his accomplice didn’t move from the counter. This is when he allegedly asked the clerk out on a date.Hey! It's hard to find a date here in Milwaukee. It's... well... Oh, forget it. This guy's just a really freakin' dumb criminal, and hopefully the police will catch up to him, and he'll be sent to a place where a date will be the last thing on his mind.
Now, here's a story that you might have heard about. Apparently, the poor, dumb bastard just enjoys the smell of girl's footwear --A LOT.
Police recovered more than 1,500 pairs of girls' shoes stolen from all three Waukesha public high schools and Butler Middle School after arresting a man for 17 counts of burglary, Waukesha police Lt. William H. Graham said.1,500 freakin' pairs?!? This guy had more women's shoes that Imelda Marcos.
"He liked to smell them," Graham said.
Personally, I think this guy should be forced to reimburse the parents for all the shoes they had to buy after their daughters' shoes kept disappearing. Then, he should be given the job of determining the sex of rats in the city's sewer system.
In this next little snippet, it's clear that, not only does Jesus really fear "teh cooties," it's also clear that sex, "female empowerment," and the Catholic Church STILL don't seem to go together in the 21st Century.
Now, I really do feel sorry for Miss Servais. It's got to be horribly, existentially confusing when your happiness and sense of freedom as a woman comes into conflict with the "teachings" of an oppressive, misogynistic religious cult. But, if Miss Servais would like to find another oppressive cult to give her life some sense of meaning, perhaps she could sell crotchless pantaloons on the Christian Domestic Discipline website.
See? You can be a sexual Christian woman while still being a submissive, objectified piece of property for your God-fearing man to exploit. Hooray!
And, finally, how seriously do we take our beer here in Wisconsin? Well, if you're going to put a Miller Lite tap-handle on a keg of Coors Light, it's going to cost you a whopping $175. In other news, after reading some of those quotes in that article, I realize that my dreams of opening a bookstore in Port Washington have been completely crushed.