How to Kill a Sunday...

    This morning I finally got around to reading through the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly which arrived yesterday.  I like to keep up with all the wonderful things the beautiful people do, after all. 

     Anyway, in a comically tiny, ridiculously hidden insert tucked away somewhere near the middle, there was a small insert devoted to what they called the 25 greatest moments in science-fiction television and film from the past 25 years. 
   
    Oh joy!  A list.  I like lists, and even though I'm not a particularly large fan of the genre, I was somewhat curious to read this little pamphlet.   Unfortunately, after reading, I believe I may have to change my opinion that it's utterly impossible to compile any sort of list while having your groin repeatedly smashed with a wooden mallet.  But, let's take a look at EW's picks, and you can judge for yourself:


#25   V: The Miniseries (1983)

    No.  Please stop trying to give this show relevance.  It was flat from Day One, and it never quite gained any life.  It was nothing but bright colors, cute noises and lizards from outer space. 

#24   Galaxy Quest (1999)

    You know, I think this should actually be a little higher on the list.  I actually cracked up and damn near collapsed while watching this movie.  I expected it to be dreadful, but the way they took every science fiction cliche and really had a good bit of fun with them.  Plus, Tony Shaloub flat-out rocked as the ultra-laid-back engineer. 

#23   Doctor Who (1963-present)

    Why is this at 23?!?  This belongs in the top ten (if not the top five). 

#22   Quantum Leap (1989-1993)

    Meh...  Could've found a better #22.  I think the movie Stargate could fit here since it's not even on the damn list, but it spawned a TV series that lasted 10 years. 

#21    Futurama (1999-2003)

     I've only seen maybe one or two episodes of this show.  They were pretty funny. 
   
#20   Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003-2005)

    What the...?!?  How is this...  What were you think....  Oh, screw it. 

#19   Starship Troopers (1997)

    I think the "panel" that put this silliness together seems to have taken a lunch break at #20 and left a drooling chimp in charge.

#18   Heroes (2006-present)

    A long lunch with martinis. 

#17   Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

    No.  A long lunch with martinis and heroin.

#16   Total Recall (1990)

    Whew...  Back from lunch.  Not sure if this should be as high as #16, but it should be on the list. 

#15   Firefly/Serenity (2002/2005)

    Sober up, stuff the chimp back in it's cage, and put this show in the top ten.  Show Joss Whedon the respect he deserves for this little gem of creative genius.

#14    Children of Men (2006)
   
    Gah...  Idiots.  Like Heroes, I don't understand how this could even be on the list.  It came out last Christmas.  The DVD didn't come out until...  umm...  Last week? 

#13   Terminator/Terminator 2 (1984/1991)

    Okay.  This works. 

#12   Back to the Future (1985)

    Whew...  Good one.

#11   Lost (2004-present)

    Has this never-ending collection of poorly draw characters actually been on the air since 2004?!?  This should be near the bottom of the list.  Very near.

#10   The Thing (1982)

    Oh, hell yeah!  Kurt Russell's second best move next to Big Trouble in Little China.

#9   Aliens (1986)

    Let me guess.  The list-makers felt the need to kiss James Cameron's ass somehow.  So, they settled for a second rate sequel of a damn good original that's older than 25 years. 

    Hey!  That explains why they put the freaking Star Wars cartoon on this list.  

#8   Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1984)
   
    I suppose.  

#7   E.T. (1982)

    Oy... 

#6   Brazil (1986)

    Perfect.  Maybe there's hope for this list as we approach the top five?

#5   Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn (1982)

    Umm...  Maybe not.  But hey!  Ricardo Montalban's hair kicked ass.  I'm thinking, whomever put this list together just added this so he could have an excuse to type "Kaaaaahhhhn!"

#4   The X-Files (1993-2002)

    This is a good spot for this show.  You got lucky --like chicken-shit bingo. 

#3   Blade Runner (1982)

    Definitely belongs on the list, but could be a little lower.  But, we could finish strong.

#2   Battlestar Galactica (2003-present)

    Well, after the surreal manner in which the last season ended by weaving pieces of the episode's dialogue around a pretty slick cover version of Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower," I think this show deserves the Number One spot.  That was just freaking awesome.

#1  The Matrix (1999)
   
    Oh, for the love of god.  It's a good movie, but it certainly doesn't deserve the Number One spot.  Stop beating a dead horse you silly fanboy. 

-DP