Thursday, May 17, 2007
I didn't want to have to do this. I really didn't. However, I am afraid I am now going to have to declare war on the entire continent of South America. It's been days since I posted a simple request for a single, simple visit, yet no one south of the Equator has dropped by, and my OCD has been kicked into overdrive to the point where I just don't think I can function. Doesn't anyone down there have internet access? Don't you care?
Look at my little map, for god's sake. What do I have to do?
I love the drug cartels! I love the underwear thieves. I love piranhas and those Amazonian spiders which are big enough to eat chickens (by the way, what the hell is a chicken doing in the jungle in the first place?). I may even go so far as to tell you that the Alpaca is a damn sexy beast as opposed to saying that it looks like a goat with a hormone problem.
Every continent is represented except you, South America. I know. Antarctica doesn't have a red dot, but until the penguins mobilize and invade another nation, I'll never consider it a continent.
Hey! Perhaps they'll invade you? And, when the Falkland Islands fall, don't come crying to me to stop that black and white tuxedoed horde. I may cry for Argentina, but the rest of your continent can sod off.
You can end this now, South America. I may be small and alone, but my tantrums are legendary.