After causing an "incident" with our friends in Canada, Flat Scalzi is now visiting Stacey in New England. And, unfortunately, it's clear that Flat is, once again, up to no good. I awoke this morning to see the following headlines:
Am I supposed to believe that our little two-dimensional traveler is NOT behind this? Something must be done to stop this 14-inch tall, bald, cardboard menace as he carves his trail of chaos from sea to shining sea.
Earlier today, I made some calls, drove to a particularly seedy bar in a lousy part of town, and it was there I met with someone who, not only has some very large guns, she also has the uncanny ability of thinking like a two-dimensional being.
I would like to introduce you to Flat Lara Croft (don't ask about the beads. Like I said, it was a very seedy bar). Should you see her as she stalks the flat, little fellow, you are advised to stay out of her way. Rumor also has it that Flat Scalzi once spurned Flat Lara's amorous advances, and it's clear that hell hath no fury like a cardboard woman scorned.
After his exploits in Canada, and his now alleged kidnapping of the Pillsbury Doughboy from a supermarket in New Hampshire,it's clear that Flat Scalzi is one, tough cookie who simply scoff's at the laws of our three-dimensional world.
Let's hope that Flat Lara Croft can apprehend this menace for questioning before any further damage can be done. Gumby is also wanted for questioning in this case.
Tag: Flat Scalzi
She's anything but flat.
ReplyDeleteFlat Scalzi better watch out for Flat Brad...who knows what might happen if they mix it up.
ReplyDeleteJess
uh..Dan.... (whispering..) "I ..followed ..Smurfette ..in here.. and ..I have to say...
ReplyDeleteLaura Croft ..is looking Way Too INtrepid .. at the momenet...shshh!
natalie
I remember a liquor rep leaving a beer-toting, Flat Elvira at a seedy bar where I once worked. I opened one morning and Elvira was gone. She was later found in the men's room and the Mistress of the Dark had a broken back. I wore rubber gloves as I duct-taped her into an upright position, trying not to think about why she was in the bathroom and what had been done to her. If only Elvira had been as well-armed as Lara...
ReplyDeleteYou know, Flat Scalzi probably has a liking for sweets just like the real Scalzi. I can definitely see the Dough Boy being grilled (no pun intended) by Flat in an effort to locate the sweet stockpile of Pillsbury goods.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wicked web we weave!!! Flat Scalzi is a rebel out on a mission---but what is it? I just hope no one gets hurt, or should I say, baked... Julie
ReplyDelete