Friday, October 20, 2006

Ask a Dan.

    I was over at Metafilter a short bit ago, and I found a typically short little blurb in which they mentioned Askaman.net.

    Now, for those of you out there who, like me, do not know about askaman.net, apparently, you can sign up and purchase minutes in order to find all the neccessary information you need so as to help you decipher the eternally-ellusive "man code."  Yeah!  People actually PAY for this.  To quote their mission statement:

"You have come to the right place for love, relationship and dating advice. Ask a man will provide you with the love, relationship and dating answers you seek. Our staff of amazing men have agreed to break the "man code" and tell you the absolute truth about what your man is really saying to you." For example: "Men want respect. In a man's world, men are nothing without respect. In a relationship, a man needs to know his woman respects him. "

    Now, unfortunately, I'm not a respected member of the stable staff of "amazing men."  I've never sent them my resumé, but I'd like to think I'm a reasonably decent gent who's quite adept at handling the many issues and answering the myriad of questions plaguing the man-woman dynamic of our world.  And, though this is kind of bad for me, it's probably pretty good for you.  In other words, save your hard-earned cash and Ask a Dan, and I will give you the "answers" you so desperately seek. 

    So, while I am off doing my man things, feel free to leave a question in the comments or send me an email should you wish to remain anonymous. 

    Hey!  I'm giving the "man code" away for free here, people! 

-DP

21 comments:

  1. Ah, damn, I was hoping it'd be for homework advice -- what I REALLY want, um okay, NEED, to know, is how each of the mountains (big hills) in Maryland were created?   Oh, and next time I get a highschooler trying to IM me to ask if his penis size is adequate, I'll just send him a link to your journal:)   lol cuz, really, I do NOT want to know any kids penis size.  -- Robin

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  2. Dear Dan:

    When proposing an emotional question to a person of the male gender, why do they adopt the blank stare that resembles the expression of a dead deer strapped to the hood of a hunters truck?

    Signed,
    Curious

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  3. Dear Dan;

    We ladies always have in mind wonderful ways you (and when I say you, I mean men in general) could score brownie points with us, only thing is we don't want to have to tell you them because well then what is the sense in it really? How come that no matter how many times we hint, almost to the point of just saying what it is we want, you guys can't figure it out?? Hmmm? Why? Why Dan?

    Amanda :)

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  4. Ahhhh, I knew you would come in handy some day.  A reference source.  LOL.....

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  5. Where can I get a copy of The Book of Man Laws?
    Barb  

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  6. Congratulations on your VIVI award nominations, and good luck on November 2nd!

    http://journals.aol.co.uk/pharmolo/NorthernTrip

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  7. Dear Ask a Dan,
    Why are men always complaining they're hot, when women complain they are cold?

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  8. Why does man -poop smell so bad?

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  9. Why do men act like such babies when they're sick?

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  10. Why do men like to eat meat that comes in casing?

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  11. Why so men always wait til the last minute to shop for gifts?

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  12. Why do men hate to help hang curtains?

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  13. How can I tell my husband he dresses like a jerk (too short cut-offs, nerdy sneakers with high white socks) and everyone makes fun of him.

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  14. Why do men think women ask too many questions?

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  15. Why do men put ketchup on everything?

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  16. Amanda,
      Until Dan gets back, I believe I can answer your question, at least. You see, men and women speak a different language. Here is an example.

    What the woman says: "It's cold in here."

    What the woman means: "It would be really romantic if you went and made me a hot chocolate, and brought me a blanket, and then sat here on the couch and cuddled with me."

    What the man hears: "It's cold in here."

    You see, the biggest difference between men and women is, men understand that their internal monologue isn't actually audible. Most women never learn that.
    -Paul
    http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/

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  17. Hey Dan, my mom wants to know what the hell we were doing in the bathroom all that time when we were teenagers, and what was that magazine we took in there with us that we wouldn't let her see.

    Fred

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  18. If you were about to have your LAST meal...  (like say, you had an appt. with the electric chair tomorrow) what would you order?  Julie (Sorry to be so morbid..)  

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  19. Why is it that the boobie draw will render man speechless, unable to converse without gravity pulling eyes open and down and yet in the average love mating call, its a few minute gig?..Signed an anonymous perplexed female

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  20. Dear ask a Dan...
    Why would a man who lives almost next door to the UPS warehouse order a computer to be delivered through UPS have to wait a few days for the delivery while the computer sits in the UPS warehouse those few days?

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