I swiped this meme from Dawn. And yes. I literally stole it. I didn't ask or anything. I AM the Criminal Element.
1. Where were you when the ball dropped for 2007?
I was by the table with all the food and snacks on it.
3. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing. I'm just watching an episode of Stargate Atlantis on the SciFi Channel. It's a great time waster, that.
4. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
Not that I can think of.
5. What color underwear are you wearing?
What exactly is this "underwear" thing of which you speak?
6. Do you live in a zoo?
It's more like a monkey cage than a zoo, per se.
7. What did you do this morning?
Opened my eyes.
8. What does your mom do for a living?
Well, according to my dad, my mother spends his money for a
living. And, according to my mom, she puts up with his nonsense for a
living. So, really, which side are you going to take?
9. Where do you work?
10. What are your favorite smells?
Fresh-baked bread. Brewing beer. And, bacon.
11. What are the last two digits of your phone number?
Which phone number? I have four.
12. What was the last concert you attended?
My friend's jazz concert.
13. Who was with you?
14. What was the last movie you watched?
Oh! I know this... Umm... The Illusionist.
15. What do you dislike at the moment?
Voting rights for flightless birds. I mean, seriously? Do the opinions of a freaking emu really matter all that much?
16. What do you crave right now?
17. Did you dream last night?
I think so. For all I know, I am still dreaming.
18. What was the last TV show you watched?
Stargate Atlantis. Now we've moved on to The Dresden Files. It's pretty lame, utterly predictable, and mind-bendingly dull.
19. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
The wedding ring my ex-girlfriend wears. Every time I see it, I feel incredibly happy that she is now someone else's problem.
21. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
That would probably be my friend Christine.
22. Who last IM’d you?
A really funny AOL employee.
23. Are you on any medication?
Why? Are you looking for something?
24. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
25. What color shirt are you wearing?
It's brown and fuzzy. Some people might call it a "sweater."
26. What color is your razor?
It's the color of dried blood.
27. What is your favorite frozen treat?
28. How many tattoos/piercings do you have?
None. But, I do want to get argyle socks tattooed on my ankles.
29. What are your favorite stores?
The bakery and the truck stop.
30. Are you thirsty right now?
No. Should I be?
31. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?
Can you imagine Mount Kilimanjaro turned upside-down?
32. Who’s someone you haven’t seen in awhileand miss?
Hmmm... I can't think of anyone off-hand. It's probably someone I don't remember meeting.
33. What did you do last night?
I slept like most normal people tend to do.
34. Do you care what people think about you?
That depends on how much money is involved.
35. Have you ever done something to instigate trouble?
I once called the cops on a really rowdy party. Unfortunately, it was my party at my house.
36. Do you like your nose?
It's a lot like the Pope. It's nice, and not terribly hairy. But, I think it's a little crooked.
37. What color is your room?
Which one? I have several rooms.
38. When was the last time you worked out?
I don't have anything to work out. Therapy does wonders, ya know?
39. Do you like pedicures?
Yes. I collect them, actually.
40. Where do you live?
Well, conveniently, I live in the same place where all my stuff is.
41. Are you an aggressive driver?
Yes. But, I wouldn't be if I was the only car on the road.
42. Who is your cell phone carrier?
I carry my own cell-phone. Who do you think I am? P-Diddy?
43. Do you like the person who posted this last?
I hope so. She and I are supposed to be going to the Bahamas once I win the lottery.
44. Do you know their birthday?
No. But, her birthday is today. And, if it's not, then it's tomorrow. Eventually, I'll be right.
45. What is the thing you’d most want to change about yourself?
Hmmm.... I'd like a prehensile tail and shorter patience with stupid people.
46. What color is your car?
Red. The color of fear.
47. What do you smell like right now?
I seem to smell like the inside of my nose.
48. What is your favorite color?
Blue! No, yellow! No! Oh god! Please don't throw me off the bridge!
49. Do you like mustard?
It depends on where you put it.
50. What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
I stop, take a deep breath, and tell myself that no matter
how bad it is, at least I'm not a male-prostitute when the mime
convention is in town.
51. Would you ever sky dive?
I've already sky-dived... sky-dove? I've done it before, but I don't think I'll do it again unless I really have to.
52. What do you sleep on?
The shattered dreams of weeping, broken humans.
53. Have you ever bid for something on eBay?
Yes. One of those organ-grinder things, but it didn't come with the monkey, so I wasn't all that enthused.
54. What do you think of Angelina Jolie being pregnant?
It's not mine! Honest! She was already pregnant when I got there.
55. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
Not to mimes.
56. Would you consider yourself to be fashionable?
I'm on the cutting edge of the fashion world. Someday,
pajamas are going to make a comeback, and you'll all feel badly for
laughing at me.
57. Do you own a digital camera?
Yes. Do you?
58. What celebrities have you been compared to?
Hmmm... I've heard Matthew Broderick, Dave Matthews, Ed Norton, Paul Giamatti, Steve Buscemi, and, oddly enough, Abe Vigoda.
59. What does your 19th text message say?
I don't think I've even gotten 19 text messages yet. But, the last one says "Who was Carter's vice president?"
60. How ’bout your 30th?
61. Who did you hang out with last night?
Some family. I duct taped their mouths shut and handcuffed
them to the radiator while I raided their fridge, watched TV and made
some calls. Nice people. I'd send them a Thank You card if I could just find where they keep the stamps.
62. What are you doing this Saturday?
I'll be doing my best to pollute the gene-pool. In other words, I've got a date.