Dear Mother Nature,
Hello! My name is Dan, and I am a huge fan of your work. In fact, what you did this spring was absolutely wonderful. And sure, I'm certain you'll probably hear people complain that this summer may have been somewhat warm. But, all-in-all, I think it was a good one.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing you, Miss Nature, is to voice my utter displeasure at the fact that when I opened my weather radar this morning, I could see a painful looking patch of white and purple snow in the area around Montana. Can you, Miss Nature, imagine my shock to see this disgusting smudge of winter weather when the calendar still says that it's summer? What happened to fall? What have I done to you that lead you to torture me in such a way as this? I recycle! I swerve (usually) to avoid your critters as they scamper into the road, and it's been ages since I took a magnifying glass to any ants.
Personally, I would like to continue being a fan while enjoying the results of all your hard work; however, should this malicious taunting continue on your part, I will have no choice but to purchase one-hundred acres of Brazilian rain forest to slash and burn. Then, upon which, I will build an unregulated, high-emission, coal-fired power plant to supply electricity to a lone, freon-leaking refrigerator filled with non-biodegradable styrofoam containers of Chinese food and six-packs of beer bound by plastic rings whose sole purpose is to strangle ducks.
Is it too much to ask that we have a nice transition into winter via the pleasant season that is autumn? Please do not be in such a hurry, Miss Nature.