Monday, September 25, 2006

A Little Driving...

    Earlier today, I was out driving my way through the mess of Milwaukee afternoon traffic when I encountered a somewhat usual, garden-variety traffic jam.  I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that Dick Cheney was released from his cave and allowed to come to Milwaukee for a one-thousand dollar a plate luncheon, and this, in turn, dragged just about every Cheney-ac with a grand to burn out of the woodwork and onto the expressway. 

    Anyway, as I drove, I found myself slowing and stopping as I became but one single car in a crawling mass of many.  Behind me, a bus grunted, and in front of me a sky-blue Buick with two gray heads inside lit up its brake-lights with a chaotic series of arrhythmic flashes independent of the cacaphony of the huddled mass of metal around us.

    Sometimes, when I am stuck in these situations, I tend to let my mind wander over no end of odd little things.  Sometimes I think about where it is I am going (In this case, I was heading to the hospital to get a 3-hour infusion of Remicade); sometimes I think about where I've been (a handful of feet from the hotel where The Dick was speaking); sometimes I write haiku, and sometimes I just try to imagine the conversations happening all around me. 

     Today, I chose the latter and I thought about the two gray heads in the Buick ahead of me.  I imagined the possible conversation this delightful, brake-happy couple was having, and I figure, it went something like this:

    "Damn it!"  The old man says sternly.  "Damn it, damn it, damn IT!"
    "What is it honey?" The old woman asks. 
    "I knew we shouldn't have gone to that Arab gas station," the old man barks. 
    "Why?" the old woman asks flatly. 
    "The damn car's ticking," he responds.  "It's ticking, and for all I know, that damn Al Qaeda planted a bomb in the engine while you were in there using the bathroom, and I was buying Slim Jims."
    "It's not Al Qaeda, dear," the old woman says.  
    "Fine," the old man snaps.  "It's that damn Hezbolla again." 
    "No," the woman says.  "It's not them.  And, it's not a bomb."
    "What do you know?" the old man says.  "Seriously.  You don't know anything."
    "Well, dear," the woman says calmly. "I may not know a whole lot about terrorists and bombs, but I do know that you've just spent the last twenty miles driving with your turn signal on." 


  1. Doesnt that drive you crazy!  Are ya turning left or what!  

    Ya just never know when to tell someone that they've forgotten to turn off thier signal light.  Do ya tell them?  Do you hope that they will eventually realize it?
    ::tink tink..tink tink:::  I usually just start making up songs and singing out loud to the beat of the blinker. I do this with the windshield wipers too. They usually end up making that turn cuz they want me outta the car. Ü

    ~Terry Ü

  2. I hate hate HATE to drive in heavy traffic.  And if it rains WATCH out.. Rain really brings out the idiot drivers.  When I am in bumper to bumper non moving traffic I have the radio cranked up LOUD and I just get lost in my daydreams or start planning a way to make up for having to sit in taking a day off of work for a trip to some getaway away from TRAFFIC!!!  I like to reward myself for bad days. LOL

  3. Dan, I'm surprised you didn't bail and abandon your know, your Buick phobia and all. I'm guessing your fear of Buicks really is fear of getting old, since these vehicles are normally driven by the aged generation that look like a bunch of giant Q-tips out for a Sunday drive.

  4. Oh my!  They weren't from Ohio, were they?  tee hee

  5. Isn't that typical?? A nice, normal, well-rounded woman ending up with some paranoid schitzophranic!!    Either that or he's having cheese and bacon you said, he bought Slim Jims instead. LOL!! Let that be a lesson to everyone...don't leave home without your Wisconsin Safety Sack!

    P.S. Eggnog season is just around the corner.....LOL!


  6. I hate traffic!  Hate it!  Will do anything to avoid it, and that's not an easy feat when you reside in Southern California! :/


  7. RLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I did this sign thing once before,,,I wrote something like,
    "Osama bin laden has been detained ahead. Please be paitient."

  8. Dan you are so funny!!  Always crack me up!  
    Once years ago...we were doing "donuts" in a dirt field.  Kicking up dust and spinning around. A cop showed friend driving the car was very quick on the draw.  He told the officer "But, officer, my blinker got stuck!"  
    We didn't get a ticket!

  9. LOL I do that with magazine and newspaper ads...just imagine what those models are REALLY thinking.  I do it with my granddaughters.  They think it's hilarious. Of course, 3 & 4 yr olds aren't hard to entertain.  
    Have a good one.