Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Gotta Go... Gotta Go...

    One man's "going problem" is another man's dumb waiter. 
    A while back, I wrote an entry about women and their eternal struggles with deodorant.  Now, I think it's time to turn the tables and discuss one of the myriad of problems plaguing men.  And, apparently, that problem is constantly having the urge to tinkle. 
    Now, when a man has to go, a man has to go, and, trust me on this ladies, when that urge strikes, the last thought to enter a man's mind is: "Gee...  I have to pee again.  Is there a nice, clean bathroom around here anywhere?"  Nope.  He's thinking: "Gee...  Those petunias she made me plant over by the garage look awfully pretty.  I think I'll see how feels to use a bathroom that actually has real flowers in it for once."
   Anyway, the Flomax commercials put together by the tinkle-police show a group of four men cruising along in a convertable happily drinking bottled water.  Now, I'm willing to bet that the guy on Flomax --let's call him Bob-- is driving along thinking, "Thank God I don't have to pee."  However, the other three men are thinking, "I wish that idiot Bob wasn't taking Flomax.  I want to stop.  We've passed five bars on this road trip, this bottled water is piss-warm, and I sure could use a cold beer.  Whose dumb idea was it to bring Bob and his Flomax?" 
   Now, if you think I am being too harsh, consider what happened to me last Sunday while watching football with my friend John:
    Shortly before kick-off, John dropped in with a case of beer, and we grabbed our seats, opened our beers and watched the kick off.  We cheered, we cursed, and we drank our beers.  It was going perfectly fine until my bottle was painfully, mysteriously empty, and the following conversation  ensued:
    "You gettin' up?"  I asked setting my empty bottle down with a thud.
    "Nope," John said.  "But, if you're getting up, grab me a beer too."
    "I'm not getting up you lazy bastard."  I said sharply.  "Besides, I was finished first."
    "I bought the beer," he said as he set his empty bottle down.
    "So," I responded.  "It's my TV."
    From there, he and I descended into childish bickering until a commercial allowed us a brief window of time to mash out a quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors" to decide who would get up (I lost, dammit).
    Now, just imagine how different that whole situation would have played out had my friend John had an uncontrolled "going" problem:
    "You gettin' up?"  I ask setting my empty bottle down with a thud.
    "Yeah," John says.  "You need another one?"
    See?  Rather than drive our friendship to the brink of violence, the absence of Flomax has only strengthened things to the point where I am now able to develop a symbiotic relationship with my friend John and his troubled prostate out of sheer selfish laziness.  Indeed, what we have now is something which transcends simple friendship.  Because of his "going" problem, John is now my slave, and my life is made much easier because of it.   It's as if Nature intended it, and who am I to argue with Nature?


  1. Shouldn't they call it FlowStop?

    Being from Wisconsin, you should know that a FlowMax belongs in the dairy barn:

    Jeesh...I mean Aaaargh.

  2. Where in the world do you come up with this stuff!??  Not complaining, mind you! I just wish I had that ever flowing (no pun intended) imagination of yours! lol


  3. So the moral of this story is to always surround yourself with friends that have the bladder the size of a pea, so they will always be the ones to get up and do things for you on the way to the bathroom!!!          Jill

  4. Just invite me over on Sundays. I'm female, don't take Flomax, always have to go and would be happy to grab us all another round at every commercial. I'll even bring the wings!
    Martha :-)

  5. Now that would make a great commercial...RLOL>......yah know what I cant stand?..The same thing we ladies talk about but every guy I have ever dated I have sat in his pee enough time, that I'm liquid adorned by him. Why cant guys get that we dont want out behind cheeks to smell?....that drives me batty,,,its the reason why I'm single now. My screen name at the dating service is doyouliftthelid

  6. Dan, I had to come back and leave this link- There is a strange research paper I wrote about how IQ level correlates with how one pee's. I thought you would chuckle, so left the link. -Raven


  7. I wish my husband had this problem.... then he'd be more sympathetic.    He can hold onto it like a camel, and I'm one of those folks who knows every bathroom in town, and all the rest stops on the interstate from here to Ohio.  He's smug now, but he's getting closer to those golden ( no pun ) years.  It'll catch up to him ... Tina http://journals.aol.com/onemoretina/Ridealongwithme

  8. LMAO! Thanks for the laugh. I needed it with this cold! Though the Bears are winning big so that helps too! :-) 5-0 first time since the 80s!

    Hey, there is an advantage for women though...we can shop longer if they don't have to pee! HA!

    You know I think all these meds are going to end up screwing us up! We pee for a reason & if one isn't then something else is going to happen. Ya, I know when it is really bad due to a problem not the same, but we also have to be careful.  I just love that pix....wait it is making me want to go to the bathroom....I agree Flowstop...why would they show men a commercial or ad like that. They won't finish it...it would make them want to go if they are not on the product already!