[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] Thanksgiving Wisdom...

Neat. According to my Statcounter gizmo, a lot of folks are dropping by this blog as a result of searching using the term "Thanksgiving Wisdom." Unfortunately, I don't seem to have a whole heap of Thanksgiving Wisdom to share, but if you're looking for cooking tips, I suggest dropping in on Ruhlman's blog for handy little pointers to make your whirling through the kitchen somewhat more controlled.

After that, here's a link to manly ways to cook turkey. (Some terrify even me, and it's not often that I find myself afraid of food.)

If you're looking for an interesting side-dish to serve with your turkey, Paul's most likely got you covered with his Sorta-Thai Spicy Stir-Fried Zucchini (unfortunately, by law, I can not call this a Thanksgiving recipe since Paul's Canadian, and I think his Thanksgiving was last month or something like that).

Let's see... What other "wisdom" do I have to share for Thanksgiving... Hmm...

• Don't invite the drunk uncle that everyone wants to avoid.
• If you find your in-laws getting out of hand, do not be afraid to call the police.
• Pepper-spray can be considered a holiday seasoning if --and only if-- the aforementioned drunk uncle and in-laws find themselves having a hard time finding the door after midnight.
  
• If you've got unruly children at the folding table in the living room, this is best solved by carrying the table into either the front or back yard. Then, lock the doors.
• Pets will spare your valuable and expensive kitchen disposal unit unnecessary wear and tear (the garbage collectors will also thank you).
  
• Hand-held Tasers are great for getting sleeping relatives out of one's favorite chair.
  
• Buy a mop. A good mop. You'll thank me.
  
• See above. Replace the word "mop" with the word "shotgun." Sometimes, when all else fails, a warning shot is needed.
• Don't open Christmas presents. Save them for a month. You'll appreciate it more.
• Don't make drunken plans to go shopping at three in the freakin' morning the day after Thanksgiving.
• Neverunderestimate the value and awesome power of a green-bean, mushroom-soup casserole with French-fried onions on top. In fact, put in the freezer for an hour, and tell the people at the folding table in the yard that it's dessert.
  
• When cooking your turkey, a strategic use of aluminum foil is often quite miraculous so long as you imagine your turkey needs to be dressed like Wonder Woman.
• The shopping. Don't do it. Stay in bed. Shop online if you have to. But, dear god, drunk or sober, do not go out. It's like Zombie-town, and your chainsaw's out of gas and your gun's empty. There's really only one place to go if you do need to go out: The Pub!
• Finally, make sure you all have a wonderful time, and try to save me some pie, okay?

-DP

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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 11/21/2007 11:23:00 AM