Hey! It's an election year.
As a result of that, I've been wrestling with whom it is that I would like to support to be the next President of the United States.
It's a tough decision, and as this last administration has shown us, it must be made carefully lest we all run the risk of winding up in some sort of pseudo-dictatorial regime where our certain "inalienable rights" have become a mere convenience to be dismantled or taken away by a wannabe Kaiser with delusions of mad grandeur.
Anyway, I've narrowed it down to two choices. It wasn't easy, and I spent a great deal of time tossing and turning last night when I should have been doing more important things like sleeping. But, this is America, dammit. And, America is at war.
My first candidate, as you can see by the picture, is Robocop.
Why? You ask.
Well, he's pretty much bulletproof, fireproof, bombproof, he's got a big freakin' gun and a hard-drive preloaded with all sorts of American values software. He's nice to hookers, yet pushes the rights of criminals to the breaking point while staying safely within the limits of his police brutality programming. Plus, Robocop laughs at Reaganomics.
Where does Robocop stand on healthcare?
I'm not entirely sure. I think so long as you're not a bad guy, you'd stand a pretty good chance of making it to the hospital.
As for the unending War on Terror, I think you definitely need a leader such as Robocop to stand bravely at the front lines gunning down the nasties like a leader should. I mean, let's face it, what do you think the odds are that G-Dub would trouble himself to actually hangout in a Hummer on a routine patrol for IED's?
I'd say slim, at best.
Now, Robocop, on the other hand, would eat IED's for breakfast out and crap out freedom and democracy by lunchtime.
I think the only knock against Robocop as president would be his public speaking abilities, and i can't imagine any press conference going well. Of course, that's hardly any different from what we're face with now. Still, though, Robocop has a big freakin' gun, and I think there'd be a rather high turnover rate for employment at Fox News. Robocop doesn't like ass-kissers, and let's face it, Rupert Murdock is pretty much shoulder deep in the GOP backside at this point in time.
Now, as awesome and effective as Robocop would be, I'm torn. I mean, the current GOP Administration is a disaster with it's threateningly theocratic notions. Religion is not the answer for our government, and I think the easiest way to remedy this increasingly faith-based drivel would be to elect my next choice for President of these United States of America: Dalek Sec and his mates from the Cult of Skaro.
You want to spread democracy across the planet, but this current dependence upon the domino-effect has you a little miffed?
Trust me, who better to spread our ruthless American ideology around the world than the Daleks? The terrorists are relying on this whole notion of "convert or die," and, as we can all see, that's not exactly working for them now is it. How about we counter their less-than-ambitious directive with the Dalek notion of "Surrender or be exterminated, and even if you do surrender, there's still a pretty good chance you'll be exterminated just for kicks." It's a little more polite when you think about it. I mean, the Daleks aren't telling you what to believe or worship. And, let's face it, when the Daleks arrive at the diplomatic table across from the Islamic extremists, I'd imagine the conversation would be something like this:
Dalek Sec: "You are right. The Islamic terrorists are better than Americans at one thing."
Terrorist: "What's that?"
Dalek Sec: "You are better at dying."
See? That's the kind of diplomacy you want in a time of war. There's no mamby-pamby hand-holding.
Now, Dalek healthcare might leave a little something to be desired. Then again, if faced with a terminal disease, there's a pretty good chance you'd be turned into a Dalek, and those guys pretty much live forever. Plus, they can fly, so the TSA would pretty much be rendered absolutely useless.
Dalek economy? Ha! Two words: Laser guns. Add that to a terrified planet, and you've got an economy that would grow like a weed on weed steroids.
Yes. There are some moral issues in electing Dalek leadership, and it's impossible to really say whether they're pro-choice or anti-choice. Personally, I have a feeling they're pro-life since more babies means more Daleks. However, they really don't seem to have all that much value for human life with their eagerness to kill people for pretty much any reason. So, obviously that qualifies them for a spot on the GOP ticket.
So, obviously, as you can see, I am horribly torn. Of course, a Dalek/Robocop ticket would be very interesting. They'd be tough on crime and tough on everything else. Of course, they'd never pair up on the same ticket, so that's just crazy talk, isn't it?
-DP
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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 11/13/2007 10:49:00 AM
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