Saturday, February 24, 2007
Stay in Minnesota!
Don't get me wrong. I like Minnesota for the most part. They've got lots of lakes, ridiculously weak beer, and a propensity for electing professional wrestlers to public office. It really can be a fun state.
The thing is, I really don't want to live there. Minnesota weather sucks. It's cold, snowy, and that makes people crazy. I've seen the movie Fargo, after all. A large part of that film is based in Minnesota. And, after suffering the winter weather that washes over the Mississippi into Wisconsin, I can see why people in Minnesota rent woodchippers in the dead of winter.
Anyway, we're supposed to be getting a blizzard here over the weekend. Apparently, it's pretty bad. The Weather Channel people are even in town running around in their little blue jackets with Pat Metheny music playing on their iPods. They never come here, and the only time you hear about the storms that dump on us here in Milwaukee is when the storm heads east and ultimately bothers someone in New York.
Right now, the blizzard is in the next state over to the left. But, they're telling me that it's headed this way, and I can expect to be shoveling up to two-plus-feet of heavy, wet snow off my sidewalks when all is said and done. I don't know about you, but that sounds like exercise to me. Who do they think I am? I'm not some burly Scandinavian strong man who gnaws on lutefisk while throwing Volvos around the yard. I'm half-German, and though I may be quite fastidious, I'm also half-French and, well, part of me just wants to roll over and stay in bed.
I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if temperatures weren't in the fifties a couple of days ago and all the snow we'd gotten previously had melted and, believe it or not, I actually saw grass. Yes. Grass. It was kind of green too.
Anyway, I'm hoping this just stays in Minnesota. I think they're better at dealing with this nonsense. But, if it heads here and unloads on us, I'm renting a woodchipper, pointing it toward the lake, and changing my name to Chum.