Saturday, February 24, 2007

Stay in Minnesota!

One or two feet?!?   

    Don't get me wrong.  I like Minnesota for the most part.  They've got lots of lakes, ridiculously weak beer, and a propensity for electing professional wrestlers to public office.  It really can be a fun state. 

    The thing is, I really don't want to live there.  Minnesota weather sucks.  It's cold, snowy, and that makes people crazy.  I've seen the movie Fargo, after all.  A large part of that film is based in Minnesota.  And, after suffering the winter weather that washes over the Mississippi into Wisconsin, I can see why people in Minnesota rent woodchippers in the dead of winter. 

    Anyway, we're supposed to be getting a blizzard here over the weekend.  Apparently, it's pretty bad.  The Weather Channel people are even in town running around in their little blue jackets with Pat Metheny music playing on their iPods.  They never come here, and the only time you hear about the storms that dump on us here in Milwaukee is when the storm heads east and ultimately bothers someone in New York. 

    Right now, the blizzard is in the next state over to the left.  But, they're telling me that it's headed this way, and I can expect to be shoveling up to two-plus-feet of heavy, wet snow off my sidewalks when all is said and done.  I don't know about you, but that sounds like exercise to me.  Who do they think I am?  I'm not some burly Scandinavian strong man who gnaws on lutefisk while throwing Volvos around the yard.  I'm half-German, and though I may be quite fastidious, I'm also half-French and, well, part of me just wants to roll over and stay in bed.  
    I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if temperatures weren't in the fifties a couple of days ago and all the snow we'd gotten previously had melted and, believe it or not, I actually saw grass.  Yes.  Grass.  It was kind of green too. 

    Anyway, I'm hoping this just stays in Minnesota.  I think they're better at dealing with this nonsense.  But, if it heads here and unloads on us, I'm renting a woodchipper, pointing it toward the lake, and changing my name to Chum. 


(update)   So, it's snowing like crazy, and what's on TV?  Well, the good people at The History Channel are showing a program devoted to the history of ice cream.  Bastards!  They want war?  Well, by golly I am going to GIVE them a war they've not seen since the weekend of the Great World War II marathon last Memorial Day. 

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  1. First of all...good thing they have weak beer with all those lakes & prof. wrestlers running the state! HA!

    Second, send that snow to IL...we are getting ICE! Would you rather that! I think not! I could use some more snow days off work! HA! Just wait, the warmer temps will come in a few days & it will melt your snow on your sidewalks!

    Grab some new movies from Blockbuster...if you are snowed in they can't kill you with late fees & have a movie marathon! HA!

    You know none of this is bad if you have someone to be snowed in with! HA! Nice warm fireplace.... ;-)

  2. awww man, will that movie ever be forgotten???  Can't you remember Grumpy Old Men instead?  Not only that, we Minnesotans are known for crossing the border to get our beer!  Remember, we're Minnesota nice-we like to share with our 'sconnie neighbors...oh. and I am German also-no scandinavian blood here so pass me the brat's and beer!  Well, I'm off to service my wood chipper-make sure that ole thing will fire up if needed.

    p.s. it is snowing like crazy and I am soooo close to the border!

  3. no more snow! no more snow!
    we're gonna lynch the groundhog!
    anyone with me????


  4. Hey, I can see where I used to live on the map. Yep, it is WHITE. I remember putting on snowshoes to go outside everyday and thinking nothing of it. They were just "footwear" to me after awhile. And, yes, we were all freakin' NUTS by February.

    Stay warm, honey.

  5. Wow you guys just don't get a break, do ya?  Stay warm and safe!

  6. Oh Dan... since half my relatives live now in MN, and are married into Norwegian lutefisk eating families, I damn near wet my pants reading this!  lol

    Damn weather channel... the travel channel had on the 10 best beaches the day we had our storm.  Damn them all...

    We get some snow tomorrow... not quite 2 feet though... you poor thing!

    be well,

  7. Oh I can relate, except we're not getting snow, we're getting ICE.  Yes, you read that, ICE.  You know, downed powerlines, no heat or electricity, all that jazz.  It sucks.  So I will hope that you do not get a TON of snow, and you can hope I don't get a TON of ice :]
    Have a good rest of the weekend!

  8. WTF is going on here??? currently in chicago its the great Thunder Blizzard of 2007. I was standing in the driving sleet trying to fasten my 3 week old into her car seat while my idiot ex husband was remarking on how the sleet pellets that were driving into my face looked like little stars. Cedar Rapids IA is on lockdown without power. Because crime and looting are a problem in a BLIZZARD. My fellow Norskis in MN are laughing their "Bounkins" off right now. Calling us amateurs. They shoved a firecracker up that groundhog's ass centuries ago. I was content to watch the Real Housewives of Orange County marathon. Damn Bitches, with their sun and endless summer...

  9. Up and at 'em Dan. Either that or just go hibernate till the snow's gone. B.

  10. HAHA I LIVE in Minnesota.  The snow is up to the middle of my patio door already and it isn't over yet.
    over 100 accidents .. You'd think people would know since it "rained" ice this morning then snowed.. either DON'T drive or drive like a snail.
    I used to like being snowed it.. meant I didn't have to do a damn thing. Now I'm sick of it.  I moved to cali for two years.. why did I ever come back.  AZ has my name on it and it may be sooner then I think (IF I can dig my way into my garage to get my car!)

    Sorry you're getting the snow.. wanna borrow my woodchipper? HAHA

    ~ Promise


  11.     Hello,Dpoem I have to say that your writing warms a person with your personality also the humor is incredible. I am originaly from WV but living currently in MN which we recieved 13 inches of snow but amazing to have the veiw. I photographed the beauty of it all as well. I love warm weather also, now seeing the green plus the sun shine. Your journals are fantastic always interesting to read ine of my favorites keep up the good work.                      Patty Ann