If gluttony is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, then I am a doomed man. But, as far as sins go, I'm going to have to say that gluttony is definitely my favorite. I mean, is there a better way to go than keeling over in the euphoric glow of extreme over-indulgence?
I think not.
Today is Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras), and I've got my pączki (pronounced "poonch-key"). Yes. I know. It sounds wildly exotic in all its Polish glory, but the sad reality is that it's nothing but a simple jelly doughnut. Still... Jelly doughnuts are yummy, and in my part of the world, you can't swing a cat without hitting a pączki-toting polock. In fact, on the local news today, they were showing the lines at the bakeries, and the chilly, little news-muppet interviewed one gent who recently purchased fifty-dozen of the starchy, jelly-filled pastry. Yes. Fifty!
Obviously, that man's Tuesday is going to be a hell of a lot fatter than mine, and I'm guessing he's just going to go home and glut himself on jelly-doughnuts and porn. And, when he rolls off the couch tomorrow morning, he'll wipe the powdered sugar from his face, and wobble his corpulence into the ritualistic starvation of Lent.
Me? Well, I have six doughnuts. I highly doubt I will eat them all, and, being the unwashed, godless, heathen atheist that I am, I pretty much plan to keep my eating habits in tact. I will plow down a bacon-double cheeseburger in the face of a scowling Catholic as they condemn me to an eternity of suffering while I wipe mustard from the corners of my mouth. I'm just evil that way, I guess.
When I was in high school, a friend's devoutly Catholic mother used to hate me at this time of year. When we were growing up and Lent rolled around, she had an odd habit of throwing potatoes at me for corrupting her son with burrito supremes and nachos from Taco Bell. We would sit in his basement, eating our greasy pseudo-Mexican munchies, andno sooner after loading up our food with hot sauce, we'd hear the hollow "thunk" of potatoes bouncing down the stairs.
"What are you doing?" My friend would holler up at her.
"He's bringing the Devil into this house!"
In her defense, she used to be a nun, and she's absolutely bonkers. In her mind, everything from jock-straps to ear-wax remover were avenues by which the Devil could enter a human and corrupt them into nasty things.
However, once Easter had come and gone, all bets were off, and I was a perfect, little angel in her eyes --so long as I didn't openly advocate the use of ear-wax remover.
So, Lent is a pretty silly time for me. Yes. I plan to eat a lot. I always plan to eat a lot, and it's nice to have an excuse to do so. It really doesn't take much for me, as you can probably figure out. I like to eat, and fortunately, my metabolism can keep up. Tonight, I'll be heading to a friend's restaurant who needs a little help with his menu. He'll be plopping plates and bowls in front of me all night and expecting nothing but a completely honest appraisal of the dishes I've devoured. It should be a lot of fun with a lot of food.
Anyway, I suggest you all eat a jelly doughnut today. If nothing else, it's good for the soul. And, if you do take part in Lent, well... I'll try not to gloat when I ask you to hand me a napkin.
-DP
No, no jelly for me. I'm a custard man. When I think of a custard filled delight, my knees tremble and I start caressing my tummy, working my way down....
ReplyDeleteFred
The jelly donut has taken a bad rap in recent years. Everyone's buying their Crispy Cremes, or Dutchies, or Crullers. Raised Maples, and Iced Chocolates look better on the shelves, and Danishes claim to offer the best of all worlds. But, I submit to you, the lowly jelly donut is the king of decadent donut enjoyment. Powdered or glazed, lemon, custard, or jelly filled, there's nothing quite like the experience of eating a jelly donut, and no other donut can really compare.
ReplyDeleteRegarding Lent, the day I get a kick out of is tomorrow, Ash Wednesday. Every year it takes superhuman restraint not to point and laugh at all the silly people walking around all day long with a little black smudge on their foreheads. Have a good day, Dan. I'll meet you later at the burger joint.
-Paul
http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/
Eh, not big on jelly doughnuts, however "exotic," but pancakes and real maple syrup! Yumm:) I even tend to give in and eat sausage on Shrove Tuesday. Then again, after one "real" one, I'm just as happy not to. So, does your friends restaurant get all themed out, have purple, gold, and green beads, too, for you to wear? Or, just good beer and tons of food, which, admittedly, is sufficient. -- Robin
ReplyDeleteA friend with a restaurant eh? Can't be bad. Have you got another one who owns a pub, or, better still, a brewery? B.
ReplyDeleteActually, Barry, my niece manages a pretty decent brewpub-restaurant here in Milwaukee. They make some pretty decent beer and munchies there.
ReplyDeleteSo, yeah, I'm definitely hooked up.
-Dan
LOL... oh Dan... my sides are sore from laughing and then coughing... You are great!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy...
be well,
Dawn
When we were young, one of my friends said she was giving up smoking POT for Lent. I said "Well, isn't smoking Pot a sin to begin with?" She said "WHERE in the Bible have you EVER read that?" She had me. LOL!
ReplyDeletePam
very funny Burrito King!:)
ReplyDeletenatalie
Actually, as someone who is polish, though not 100%, it is not just any jelly donut...as several of us told someone tonight independently that what he had was not Paczki! And I would not assume someone is eating them all themselves, as I bought 2 dozen for my co-workers today. I suppose I am about mutual respect. The best way you can really get people to respect your viewpoint is to respect theirs. I'm not sure what the ex-nun told you but it really isn't about giving up meat....it is a symbolic gesture. You can do more simple things or more heartful things or you can do something more heartfelt. This is the understanding you should get to if you do it for the right reasons. In some ways it is no different than what we may willingly give up for a spouse because we love them. If it is silly to you then you really haven't had good examples in life to show you what it really is about. That is a real shame.
ReplyDeleteI started laughing when I saw your pic of the cat sleeping in it's food dish, I haven't stopped laughing yet. Oh my gosh, how much food (make that grease) can you possibly eat before you pass out from overdosing levels of suger, grease, and whatever meat is on the menu that day?? I'm not sure I want to know....(Hugs)
ReplyDeleteIndigo