Apparently, that contemptible, odious, little rat crawled from his hovel, saw his shadow, and condemned us all to six more freakin' weeks of this miserable winter.
Yes. It's Groundhog Day.
I hate Groundhog Day...
I hate groundhogs.
The way I see it, considering my arms have all but fallen off after digging myself out from the blizzard that fell yesterday, I don't know if I can handle another six weeks (which actually translates to another six months for us upper-Midwesterners). It's torture, and a god damned rat is the one carrying out my punishment.
I'll get even, though. Somehow, I will find a groundhog, I will kill it, and I will use its frozen carcass to brush the snow off my car and his little bucked teeth to scrape the ice from my windshield so I can get a better view of the hazardous, snow-packed roadway.
Would you like that Mr. Groundhog? Would that make you happy?
Perhaps we should just blind the damn critter. Really. Would it be so hard giving the little rat a poke in the eyes before he leaves the house? After all, if he can't see, he can't see his shadow, and we won't have to be reminded that this endless, freaking, nightmare of snow, ice and bitter cold will continue until we all go crazy like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.
How about blunt force trauma to the head?
A Taser gun to make Phil all nice and sparky and smoldering?
Ah well... Next year.
Next year I will make the pilgrimage to Gobbler's Knob, and I'm going to bring an axe. And, I will bring friends. They will have shovels, and there will be a blood-soaked coup.
This rodent's reign of terror will come to an end!
-DP
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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 2/02/2008 09:09:00 AM
And there was me thinking, it was just a film?
ReplyDeleteGaz ;-)
OH My! The poor thing is just doing what we wish we could do...get cosey & warm for another 6 weeks...he has just figured out how to. HA! And really if you make him blind that will suck. He'll tell us spring is coming, we'll have on our little windbreakers and then be freezing our ass off. Personally, I'm soooo glad to be forewarned...I can say ok, you got 6 more weeks before you have to spring clean! HA! And 6 more weeks get my money's worth out of the new winter clothes I bought! :-) I have 6 more weeks before the birds start coming back & waking me up at the crack of dawn fighting over the birdseed...6 more weeks before I have to start buying birdseed! :-) Oh don't even start me! HA!
ReplyDeleteHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, that I came here by way of Barry, who just gave you the NICE award. Ha. Did I say ha? :-) ~Mary
ReplyDelete