Thursday, August 7, 2008
[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] Still Fiddling...
I'm still screwing around with my image tags. It's a little dodgy and complicated since I'm posting this to not one, but two blogs, and though the html does carry over from one to the other, sometimes, some things get muddled. It's a bit annoying.
Other than that, I'm also stoned off my gourd at the moment. It's been a painful couple of days, and I'm hoping that tomorrow's shot of Humira will set things right. I don't want you to concern yourselves with my tedious gripes and whatnots, and though things are generally bad, they could be considerably worse. I know you, dear reader, wish nothing but the best for me, and I promise you, that means a lot, and I hope the day comes where I can return the favor and the kindness and the caring you've all shown me.
In other words, I'm rocked on opiates, and I love you man...
I suppose, in order to get to the heart of the matter, I should say that I do deal with a lot of depression throughout the course of a twenty-four hour day. I think it's inevitable for anyone living alone with a painful, incurable, chronic condition. There's a weight there, and it is cold and heavy. It hangs around my neck, and it is a burden to tote around. The people I meet tell me to cheer up or that I should be happy as though doing so is no more difficult than flicking a switch. And, though I know that their intentions are good and their words are spoken out of concern, it's infuriating.
Trust me. I am dealing with it, and hopefully I can once again find some thrill in something so simple as breathing. But, until then, I think things here will be mostly quiet and infrequent. After all, this funky gloom just sucks whatever ambition I may have straight out of me, and the incessant aches just pile upon my dark mood to become a tedious, needling distraction. And, most days, it's just too damn much.
On the other hand, I like this blogging thing. There's a certain cathartic quality to just prattling myself into a better day by unloading whatever morning troubles I may be trying to wrestle with. I've written millions of unposted words, after all. And, it's kind of nice throwing out that hill o' beans.
Anyway, there really is no reason for writing this other than to, yet again, upend another full bucket of bummer. Hopefully, after this, I'll be good for another couple of months.
For what it's worth, though, thanks for your jokes, your smiles and your laughter. But if things here are silent or seem half-hearted and uninspired, you should know that it's simply me and this mess that my life can sometimes be.
So, thank you for being you.
Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 8/07/2008 01:17:00 PM