[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] Questions from Behind the Wasatch Curtain.

Now, my good chum Cinzano has taken the internet interview-meme that I did the other day, and she's decided to interview me of all people. And, since Cindy pretty much is the awesomest of awesomes, and since she's unfortunately trapped in that seventh circle of hell called Utah, I have no problem breaking the meme-rules and allowing her to ask me whatever questions she pleases whether I ask for them or not. Some people are just too damn cool that way, ya know. Besides, I like questions.

• Oprah is having you on her show. What do you want to talk about/be asked about?

Hmm... Her show's an hour long, right? I suppose that would give her sixty minutes to try and get me to like her enough that I would be willing to take anything she has to say seriously. I really don't care for Oprah all that much. After all, she unleashed that chattering, slack-jawed, lackwit Dr. Phil onto the world, and some things are just unforgivable.

On the other hand, if she bought me a car, I suppose there's a chance I'd listen to what she has to say.

• You find a bag of money...lots of money. Keep it? (If you keep it, what will you spend it on?)
  

I'd keep it. And then I'd probably start a cult and spend it all on hookers and blow like the soulless reprobate I am.

Seriously, though, I'd try to give it back, and if I couldn't find the person it belonged to, I'd probably donate it to a good cause. I'd just have a hard time spending someone else's money on my own personal enjoyment.

• Zombies are attacking your town. What's your plan?

Go to the pub.

• I am going out to buy you a birthday gift, but I have only twenty dollars to spend. (Hey, I just went grocery shopping, man!) What should I buy for you?

You know the answer to this. Just buy me a forty-ounce bottle of malt liquor and get yourself something nice with the change leftover.

• I am coming over your house for supper. What will you serve me?

I have a cookbook party-planning book on how to serve people from Utah.

Then again, if you're coming to eat rather than be eaten, and seeing as how you've probably not had a decent seafood dinner since the last time you left Mormon-ville, it'd probably be something along the lines of lobster, pan-seared scallops, and more ocean-dwelling critters than you can shake a stick at.

Or, grilled-cheese sandwiches. It really depends on whether or not I'm drinking my forty. This ain't Napa Valley, after all.

• Thanks for letting me interview you!

Thank you. I always like answering questions, and if anyone has anything to ask, please do, and I promise I'll answer them sometime in the near future.

-DP

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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 9/12/2007 02:25:00 PM