Wednesday, September 26, 2007

[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] I've Got My Red Pencil Ready...

I saw this article, and I felt the need to scream and scribble.

Disputed book available at Jackson-George libraries, if you ask

PASCAGOULA --The Library Board [Not exactly a proper noun, is it?] for the Jackson-George Regional Library System voted 3 to 1 Tuesday night to make a best-selling book by comedian Jim Norton available to library patrons again upon request. [Read this again out loud. It's similar to the sound a car makes shortly before its wheels are about to fall off, don't you think?]

The book has been out of circulation since an Ocean Springs patron complained in August. [Really. It's okay to have more than one sentence per paragraph.]

The Library System [Knock it off already!] formed a review committee, which on Tuesday recommended the book again be made available to the public. [However,] It will not go back into general circulation.

Prior to the meeting, Library Board [I give up!] Chairman David Ables said the review committee tries to decide if a book is in keeping with the community's taste. [Who cares if it was prior to the meeting or not? I mean, you could just say, "Prior to the meeting, while driving in his car and eating a tuna-salad wrap from Sally's Delicatessen and House of Boiled Goat, Chairman Dave said..."]

He said [Yeah-yeah. We get it. He's saying things] the libraries use the New York Times Best Seller List[How to treat titles? Hmm... If only there were a way to maybe make the letters slanty or bold to denote the title of a publication or article] as a guide for purchasing books. But once or twice a year a book is challenged and is reviewed. [Don't fear the comma!]

It is pulled from the shelves while under review. [Kind of vague.]

Then it goes to the Library Board to decide what to do with it. [The book gets to decide what to do with itself? I think you seriously over-estimate the book's abilities. And, why the hell is this its own paragraph?!?]

Before the meeting, Ables, who was [was, not is?] on the review committee with the library system's [Yay! *golf-clap* You could have told us this earlier... Oh, wait.] director and several members of the library staff [Aww... He found some friends?], said [Finally!] the genre of humor Norton used in the collection of essays was not a genre familiar to him. [The poor bastard! He's not familiar with humor?]

"The only thing I could come up with is 'shock value,' [Of course. He's got no sense of humor.]

" [Who's responsible for this lost quotation mark?] Ables said [What?]. He compared it with [with, to, pfft!] something like the shock appeal of a horror movie. [How so? I mean, he just said it has shock value.]

David Ogborn, the lone vote against the board's decision, had stronger words for the book, "Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch." [It's a book, not a magazine article or short story. Go bold! Plus, the colon is your friend.]

"That kind of garbage there, I don't think belongs in the library, " Ogborn said. "You can call it censorship or anything you want to but there's a difference in right and wrong and that's wrong."

The Library Board [Every time you do this, god kills a kitten] also voted to issue a news release.

"We certainly would like the press to portray us accurately," Ables said, "for the community to have an understanding about how we go about this process rather than being called book banners and censor mongers." [Would a couple of hyphens kill you?]

Library Director Michael Hamlett told the board that the Norton book had not been reviewed by publications that the library system [Yay!] subscribes to and that of the 9,207 public libraries in the U.S. only 278 own the book. [Why are you afraid of commas? What did the comma ever do to you?]

"That says something right there," Hamlett said. "In the past it has been our policy to automatically buy things off the New York Times Best Seller List. [Oh my god! Even with all the foreshadowing earlier, I totally didn't see this coming. You're like M. Knight Shyamalan.] We have reviewed that and we have changed that procedure and will no longer automatically buy things until we have a closer look at them."

When discussing why, since August, Hamlett hasn't returned called [WTF?] from the media concerning the issue, Hamlett said, "I didn't want to chance being misquoted and chose not to respond." [And who'd blame you, Mike? That's the money quote right there!]



Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 9/26/2007 09:27:00 AM

1 comment:

  1. ROFLMAO.  "Plus, the colon is your friend."  Whatever you say, Dan. :)