The Bad Monkey!

There are simply so many things wrong with this short article that I don't even know where to begin. So, I'm just going to let you all read and digest the saucy bits all on your own.

Diapered monkey bites woman outside downtown bar Steven Elbow — 8/08/2007 12:22 pm
A diapered monkey allegedly bit a young woman on the thumb early today outside a State Street bar.

The small black and white monkey, 12 to 18 inches tall with a long tail, bit the woman around 1 a.m. in front of State Street Brats, then ran off, police said. At noon today, police spokesman Joel DeSpain said the monkey was still on the lam.

"This guy was in the beer garden at State Street Brats letting women pet his monkey," DeSpain said, adding that when the 20-year-old victim attempted to do so, it bit her.

She suffered four puncture marks to her thumb, two on the top and two on the bottom.

Police today were able to contact the monkey's owner, who lives in a second-story State Street apartment. DeSpain said animal control officers were being called in to quarantine the monkey for observation to make sure it is not diseased.

--
Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 8/09/2007 11:02:00 AM