Now, before I begin, it should be noted that my height and weight are approximately 6'2", and 210-215 lbs.. Why is this important, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.
A while back, I went to my doctor for a garden-variety check-up, and he noted that I'd put on a few pounds. And, I do agree that I have, but I don't think it's anything major. I mean, c'mon. There was Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc... I'm German. My people invented over-eating. And, during the holidays, there was more food at the table than happy hour at the Old Country Buffet. I defy anyone not to pack on a pound or two grazing on that particular feast. But I digress.
My doctor conveyed his desire for me to lose weight in a very serious tone. He told me of the obvious hazards of being overweight and everything. Then, he told me (and I'm serious here folks), "Instead of trying to lose weight all at once, why don't we just try to lose one pound a month, and I'll see you in three months?"
Yeah. Do the math! He wants me to lose three pounds in three months. That's hardly worthy of the typically humilliating weight-loss challenges we see televised on Dr. Phil or whatnots. I mean, do I need Richard Simmons to come banging on my door in order to beat this? Should I be "Sweatin' to the Oldies?" What would Jared do?
Anyway, after proccessing that odd, little challenge, I went home, weighed myself, then I took my change out of my pocket and saw that I'd lost a pound. I figured, there's my problem: I'm not overweight. I just carry around too many quarters. Calories are not the issue. Currency is.
So, after that epiphany, I decided to hit McD's, pick up a Big Mac and pay for it with all this unwanted change.
Moreover, in my quest to lose three pounds, I figure I can lose at least another pound if I just stop wearing shoes. AND, since I don't have any change to carry around anymore, do I really need pants? Between shoes and pants, there's at least 5 pounds, and add the lack of money to that, and now I weigh about 209.
So, in three months, I plan to show up back at the doc's office barefoot, penniless and naked, but at least my weight will finally be acceptible...