Monday, February 27, 2006

Sorry Ladies...

Now, seeing as how I'm single, and seeing as that I will most-likely be dating in the not-too distant future, I figured I'd take this time to apologize --in advance-- for all those things I'm sure I'll do to totally turn you off.

First, I'm sorry if I seemed bored with our conversation.  Chances are, I probably was.  I'm a guy, after all.  I'm not interested in conversation, and the last thing I want is to hear about how you've rediscovered Yanni, taken up yoga, and Feng Shui-ed the living hell out of your house in persuit of "wealth and prosperity" and some sort of New-Age Enlightenment. 

Moreover, I apologize for probably drinking too much.  The thing is, I don't like people, and I really dislike talking people.  So, in order to feign interest in your conversation, I need to drink myself silly and get plastered to the point where I am unable to walk.  Otherwise, there's a pretty good chance I'd run screaming from the room like a man with his head on fire. 

Also, if you didn't want to hear me talk about my ex-girlfriends, you shouldn't have asked.  But, thank you for bringing up so many painful memories.  Next time, save yourself the breath and just stick a fork in my eye.  Trust me, by the time you get around to asking, there's a pretty good chance I'll be drunk to the point of not feeling it.

Anyway, other than that, I am sure I will have a nice time, and I will love to go out with you again.  Call me, okay?




  1. A letter from your last date...

    Dear DP,
    I had such a great time last night!  I especially liked it when I showed you how to find your inner light in the Camel's Pose. And then when I played my favorite Yanni song on the autoharp I knew then that we connected. I could tell you had goo Chi when you stood right next to the strategically placed waterfall by my patio door.
    Wow you like to drink! I've never seen somebody drink so much Gatorade and Vodka. And then when you waved the Norwegian flag??? I really felt close to you when I pulled your head out of my toilet.
    Stop talking about your ex, I didn't ask you, you were crying for her in my toilet bowl. And she called 6 times during dinner. I had to meditate and do a shot to not scream into the phone!
    And I wanted to pay half the bill because I didn't think it would be cute to pay with quarters.
    But anyway it was fun Call me later!

  2. hahaha...  Thanks for the smile, ya nut.