Now, seeing as how I'm single, and seeing as that I will most-likely be dating in the not-too distant future, I figured I'd take this time to apologize --in advance-- for all those things I'm sure I'll do to totally turn you off.
First, I'm sorry if I seemed bored with our conversation. Chances are, I probably was. I'm a guy, after all. I'm not interested in conversation, and the last thing I want is to hear about how you've rediscovered Yanni, taken up yoga, and Feng Shui-ed the living hell out of your house in persuit of "wealth and prosperity" and some sort of New-Age Enlightenment.
Moreover, I apologize for probably drinking too much. The thing is, I don't like people, and I really dislike talking people. So, in order to feign interest in your conversation, I need to drink myself silly and get plastered to the point where I am unable to walk. Otherwise, there's a pretty good chance I'd run screaming from the room like a man with his head on fire.
Also, if you didn't want to hear me talk about my ex-girlfriends, you shouldn't have asked. But, thank you for bringing up so many painful memories. Next time, save yourself the breath and just stick a fork in my eye. Trust me, by the time you get around to asking, there's a pretty good chance I'll be drunk to the point of not feeling it.
Anyway, other than that, I am sure I will have a nice time, and I will love to go out with you again. Call me, okay?