Wednesday, November 8, 2006

I Hear Your Cries America!

    It's over

    I know it hurts, and I know a great many of you awoke this morning gripped with fear as one chilling question danced its icy way around inside your heads and hearts:

    Where do we go from here?

    Unfortunately, I have no answers for you.  And, sadly, all I see upon the horizon are dark clouds and a troubled time of vast, soul-crushing uncertainty.  Indeed, no one can plumb the depths of humanity deep enough to answer the burning question we need so as to find the direction that we, as a species, desperate crave.

    This will be a stark and difficult world in light of the demise of Britney and K-Fed.  Alas, nothing gold can stay, and though I am reasonably certain Britney will fair quite well, and this collapsed marriage will simply be yet another easily erased blemish, I find myself thinking of the poor, talentless, little scamp that is K-Fed.  Indeed, what will K-Fed do?  As far as I know, most heiresses are either out of his league, or off the proverbial market.  Paris Hilton, after all, spends her post-clubbing evenings scraping things like K-Fed off the bottom of her Manolos, and Lindsay Lohan wouldn't give him the time of day so long as he doesn't have a wedding ring on his finger. 

    K-Fed gave hope to the insolvent, indigent masses who, in the face of gainful employment rose up and shouted "I will marry me a sugar mama!" rather than fill out a W2.  And, when the razor-sharp claws of domesticity and fatherhood began to close tightly around his throat, K-Fed bravely found the first jet to Vegas to regroup with his homeys, a pile of chips and a whole lot of strippers. 

    Now, America, where do we go?  Will it be K-Fed the politician?  K-Fed the back-up dancer for Barry Manilow?  Will he wind up in the Hasselhof Army?  Or, will we see K-Fed the "Gimme your damn bus pass beyotch!"

    I wish I had the answer.  However, one thing's for certain:  If you think the McCartney demise is a nasty endeavor, well, Sorry England.  We are totally going to upstage you all once again. 



  1. Hahahaaa..the Hasselhof Army...this cracks me up. Oh, wait, is very sad. (haha)

  2. Oh yes . . .

                 another one bites the dust.

    Amanda :)

  3. It looks to me like those razor sharp claws have hold of a lot more than just his throat!  Give em' a good hard squeeze, Brit!!  He deserves it!!

    BWAHHAHAAHHHAH!  (oops..sorry.. my inner bitch is showing!) lol


  4. I think they have a pre-nup and it will be simple... all she wanted was the product of what she is grabbing in that pic...

    be well,

  5. Maybe he'll go back to his previous girlfriend, who also had 2 kids with him?  -- Robin

  6. I knew the day would come when you would finally write about my beloved Britney!!! K-Fed is going to torture us with more of his objects d'arte since he now has $10million to spend as the world's highest paid sperm donor.
    I hope Brit did what I did and fashion earrings out of his testicles and wear them proudly the day he was served.

    Right on Brit...Right on...

  7. Not to worry about K-fed. I heard Britney was good enough to give him Jessica Simpson's address.

  8. i bet there's a lot of happy 40-something men out there.

  9.   I find the timing of this highly suspicious. The GOP manufactures another piece of "news" to take world attention off of their ungainly death spiral in Iraq, and at home. We all knew you were a whore, Brit, why'd you have to prove it in such a cold, impersonal manner?

      No, I don't have any idea what the hell I'm talking about.

  10. K-Fed, I'm predicting, will be on one of those reality shows in the near future on VH1...  He and Paris Hilton will have a short and uneventful romance, and then later will be on T.V. with Eric Estrada selling vacation rentals in Idaho... As for Britney,  I'm predicting she'll be back with a duet...and may be give Cameron a run for her money..  I'm seeing a lot of TABLOID havoc in their futures..  Madame Julie :)  

  11. Right until she served the divorce papers, I was sure K Fed had a 10" unit.