Saturday, November 4, 2006

Feel Safe?

US Citizens to be Required ''Clearance'' to Leave USA

Washington, DC --   At the urging of the United States' Department of Homeland Security, the president formerly known as George Walker Bush has officially changed his name to Joe Stalin.  However, choosing a new cognomen wasn't an easy task for this administration:
    "We tossed around all sorts of options." Mr. Stalin said recently when asked about what may have been his administration's most difficult decision to date.  "One of my advisers suggested Nikita Krushchev, but I thought that sounded too girly.  And, well, Benito sounded too South-of-the-Boarder, and Leonid just doesn't match my personality.  So, we figured Joe would be good.  Joe's a buddy-sounding name, right?  I want people, especially children, to call me Uncle Joe."
    When asked about whether or not he wishes to be compared to former Soviet leader known for his oppressive regime, Mr. Stalin says, "Not so much.  I mean, I admire his flair for the dictatorial.  But, really, we're two totally different people.  For example, I'm the kind of Uncle Joe who you'd feel comfortable calling if you needed a wall or a fence built.  The other guy?  He'd just shoot them or toss them in prison.  That's no fun, really." 
    With the new name, Mr. Stalin also recently signed a law making it easier for him to declare Martial Law in the United States. 
    "We're really talking about exposure here," Mr. Stalin said when asked about the legislation.  "We're just trying to find ways to create a captive audience.  We want America to listen to its Uncle Joe, and with TiVo, television no longer works.  And, people out there should listen to me.  For example, let's say I decide that since I'm such a good leader, America wants to keep its Uncle Joe in office a little while longer?  How will they know if we get rid of that whole term-limit nonsense?  They won't.  And, the last thing we want is a bunch of Americans standing around outside expecting to vote in November of '08 when they don't have to.  It's cold in America, you know?" 

update*   [To say it's] Kafka-esque doesn't do it justice. This is 'Alice in Wonderland.
Gitanjali Gutierrez, an attorney for [Majid] Khan's family, responded in a court document yesterday that there is no evidence that Khan had top-secret information. "Rather," she said, "the executive is attempting to misuse its classification authority . . . to conceal illegal or embarrassing executive conduct."
    They can't hold Majid Kahn because they have no legitimate evidence to do so, and since they have potentially subjected him to torture alternative interrogation techniques in one of the CIA's not-so-secret prisons, they can't release him or give him access to his attorneys, his family or anyone because they're afraid he'll talk about it. 


  1. The "John Warner Defense Authorization Act of 2007" scares the crap out of me. I've been taking my child to peaceful protest gatherings since he was two years old and telling him that he has the right (and the obligation) to speak up when he sees "bad things" happening. Do I need to tell him to shut up and lay low now? Close your eyes and hope it will all blow over soon?

    Did you see the Cybermen on Doctor Who last night? At least they were noisy. Bush-Stalin is such a sneaky little weasel.

    Shit. I sold all my guns when The Child was born, thinking I was making the house safer for him. Now I feel stupid.

  2. Sad, scary world we live in.

    be well,

  3. I'm glad your house is safe at least, Cinzano.  Kids and guns really don't mix.  But, you seem like a responsible mommy, so you probably could have stashed a piece somewhere safe.  Just make sure you pick one up soon before that whole Martial Law thing kicks in.  


  4. This just really scares me, Dan..   I'm not that into politics and I don't always understand it all... but I do that this really scares me.


  5. A friend just flew off to San Francisco, trying to get politcal asylum so he can stay in this country. Huh...he may want to rethink that, eh? Another friend is flying to India on the 15th and will nt be back until February. Hope she gets "back in" despite her links to the Tibetan government-in-exile. Being a natural-born U.S. citizen may not help. This really sucks. But the worst part is that you KNOW that an idiot majority will say that it makes them feel "safer."

  6. I think Bush and this inept administration is the greatest threat to America than anything.

    Consider the following:  Mushroom clouds could be exploding above Washington, DC as a result of terrorism, and as horrific as it would be, America and our rights would still remain in tact.  The idea of America is a hell of a lot stronger than that, and that idea can't be destroyed by bombs.  

    On the other hand, as a result of being fed a daily spoonful of fear, we've marginalized that idea and essentially rendered America and her citizens impotent.  As a nation, we are being forced to give up the rights which made this country free and great, and we are almost expected to hide in our caves afraid of some nebulous and unidentifiable bogeyman.  

    I am being told to hate the Iraqis, but they didn't attack us.  They had nothing to do with those who DID attack us.  And every day, our worthless, prattling little cocksucker of a president tells me that I should feel good for all those burned, broken and bullet-riddled bodies of Iraqi men, women and children because killing them is somehow, in some fucking way, keeping me and my country safe.  


  7.   Robert A. Heinlein wrote a series of stories that took place in an alternate time line in which America had fallen under a totalitarian theocracy, and was ruled by a priesthood. I always used to think that was a silly thing to suggest could ever happen in this day and age. Now I fear it could actually come to pass.

  8. Hey I dont agree with this Bush on this at all....Marshall law isn't a safety net....Too much power........-Raven

  9. Paul,

    I don't know if this country really runs all that great a risk of turning into a theocracy.    I'd like to think American citizens are smart enough to not allow this sort of thing to happen.  

    However, I know a lot of the pseudo-Christian dominionists like Falwell, Robertson and their ilk are taking tremendous steps in trying to create a "Christian Nation" by essentially rewriting our history and passing off perverted lies in an attempt to make their religion somehow more politically relevant than it really is or should ever be.  

    Bush has let go of the reins on these maniacs, and now they are encouraging legislation based upon the ignorance, fear and hatred of this twisted, bastardized, pseudo-Christian ideology.  

    I simply don't understand how it's possible for people to lack the capacity to comprehend recent American History.  All you need to do to see the hazards of legislating Christian "morality" into the Constitution is to look at the sky-rocketing social chaos that almost tore this country apart as a result of the 18th Amendment.    We're currently heading down that path again, and it's quite a dangerous path to be walking.  

    Don't get me wrong.  I have no problems if people wish to live their lives according to religious principles.  That's perfectly fine.  But, if this country is going to survive, our government needs to be a secular institution with NO religious interference whatsoever.  Otherwise, we will simply turn into the very thing we are fighting against.  We're better than the Taliban, and I wish these fools could see that.  


  10. The FOOLS are your neighbors. We can't put all the blame on Bush-Stalin because our own neighbors and coworkers and families voted him in and are continuing to support his regime out of fear. We can blame him for invoking false fears, but we need to stand up to our fellow amerikans and their "love it or leave it" bullshit.

  11. Don't worry, Cinzano.  To avoid persecution and calls for your deportation, all you have to do is slap one of those little magnetic ribbons on your ride.  


  12. Oh you tell me...after I just glued on the dinosaur eating the xian fish!

  13. Imagine the fun when some international tribunal demands that we turn Bush over for war crimes. If Saddam appeals long enough, he and Dub just may get to hang out together.