[The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind] Holy Heroes, Batman!

This picture doesn't have much to do with this post (or the post that's going to happen in a minute or two). The thing is, I'm just not feeling up to writing much today, and for the sake of being economical, I figured I'd combine today's picture with my off-the-cuff review of the traffic accident that was the Heroes premier I watched last night. So, come for the photo, and stay for the rage, I guess.

I skipped the foreplay. There is absolutely no reason to watch an hour-long, geek-fueled, red-carpet extravaganza *JAZZ HANDS* devoted to nothing but no end of ridiculous twaddle about the "new and exciting" season ahead for Heroes.

What's the point?

The only people watching Heroes these days are the loyal fans who stuck it out through last-season's schlock-fest and are silently hoping the series can redeem itself and capture the magic that made the first season so damn fun to watch.

Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen. The two-hour premier scuttled whatever hopes anyone may have had that this once great show can be anything other than a collection of comic book cliches trundling through the same tired old story line about moral ambiguity. And, the thing that should drive the last few fans away is the predictable pairing of last season's "good guy," Noah Bennet, with the series' eternal bad guy, Sylar.

Sound familiar?

Yeah. Batman did the same thing when he teamed up with Catwoman. The humans in Battlestar Galactica joined forces with the Cylons. Laverne and Shirley and Lenny and Squiggy... The list is a long one, and when it comes to Heroes, it's insulting that the show's writers would think that people are so blinking dim to fall for what has become an all-too predictable attempt to breathe life into a floundering series by creating what is inevitably a clumsy, unnatural, and unneeded conflict.

Aside from that, the writing is as dreadful as always. Aside from a comically predictable plot built around the same tired cliches seen in the previous two seasons, the dialogue sounds as though it was sprung from the mind of a brooding, French, drama queen trying to mash Film Noir mumblings and Adam West's Batman together into a sort of nightmarish hodgepodge of incoherent gibberish about what it means to be human.

It's become a silly mockery of itself, and whatever message it may have had has gotten lost in a mad tangle of things everyone has seen before.

Then there's the comic relief provided by Hiro the Hero. Sure. It's cute. And, well, it does provide a light moment where none is needed, and it is subsequently as awkward as a fish in a pasta factory. In other words, it doesn't make a damn bit of sense, and it's just getting in the way at this point. And, don't get me started on how he trips to the future to find out that his best friend turns on him. Gee... That's new.

One thing I did find interesting is the character of Suresh, and his transformation from meek man of science into a person corrupted by super-human powers. Of course, I'm not really interested in that per se. It just blows my mind that someone thought that was a brilliant idea. Somewhere, someone was sitting at a table surrounded by other people. And, that someone sat there with a big, round, beaming face and spoke: "I know! Let's give Mohinder a power. Then, let's have that power corrupt him so he can get laid!"

Freakin' brilliant move, that one.

What's next? Mutant baby? Chosen one? Yadda-yadda-yadda?

The thing which will inevitably sink this entire show is its dependency to lean on the tired, old cliches we've come to know and expect from things about superheroes. The tagline for this season should be "It's been done. Done to death! But, we're going to hump it for all it's worth, and so long as you, the viewer, pretend that you're not bored to tears with this predictable silliness, we're good."

Now, of course I'm going to keep watching. As I said, it's a traffic accident at this point. I just can't look away. Perhaps it'll redeem itself. I actually hope it does. I want to be wrong about this show and this season, and they've got a whole slew of episodes which may or may not change my mind, so, who really knows?

Still. After what I watched last night, it's clear it's going to be a long and troubled year for Heroes.

-DP

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Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 9/23/2008 12:13:00 PM