For future reference, if I ever say something like, "hey! I think a shot of Irish Whiskey would be quite yummy right about now," I want you to slap me. Strike that! I want you to pummel me into a drooling mess. You have my permission, I won't press charges, and trust me, you'll be doing the world a favor.
I awoke this morning with a taste in my mouth that was suspiciously similar to the taste of a bathroom floor in a Belfast oil refinery (just don't ask me to explain how I know what an oil-refinery restroom tastes like, okay?). And, to make matters worse, everything I put into my mouth continued to taste a hell of a lot like cheap Irish whiskey. Coffee? It tasted like Irish coffee (not bad). Orange juice? It tasted like Irish orange juice (very bad). Toothpaste, mouthwash, battery acid: everything I put in my head served only to remind me what a damn stupid fool I was the previous night.
The good news is that I had a LOT of fun, apparently. I remember a conversation with a school-teacher. She asked why I was more tan than my pasty twin brother who I dragged along with me kicking and screaming. I told her something about being in the porn industry, and the scary thing is, I think she believed me.
Then, the ubiquitous angry boyfriend wanted to pound some much-needed sense into my head. And, when he came over to tell me that he wanted to put some lumps on my noggin for staring at his lady-friend, I had to explain that though his girlfriend is really attractive, and that he's probably a pretty lucky guy, the reason that I was staring at her had little to do with her delicate beauty, but rather, I found myself fascinated by the huge gravity-defying booger dangling from her nose. And, the more I explained, the more he seemed fascinated by it too. Who says I have trouble making friends? We even sealed our new-found friendship in a drunken pact involving Kleenex and even more bad whiskey.
Anyway, I seemed to have survived another St. Paddy's day. I don't tend to tear it up on many holidays, but this one's always fun. So is Arbor Day, but that's another story.