Saturday, August 5, 2006


    Now, it's not that I'm anti-religious or anything, but I think they owe us something for making people work so hard, and having to employ things like particle accelerators just to be able to friggin' read.  What?  Did they have a shortage on paper two-thousand years ago that this monk had to erase the theories of Archimedes and replace them with his religious mumblings?
    I swear, if I ever get my hands on either the Dead Sea Scrolls or some other original Biblical text, I'm going to be like this monk and scribble out the original writings and replace them with the names and numbers of strippers and porn stars. 

    Hey!  We've got African World Fest going on here in Milwaukee this weekend.  It's actually a lot of fun, and a great way to learn a lot about the African culture and arts without having to worry about things like starvation, Ebola, civil war or the fact that you may be eaten by a lion while sitting down to eat your lunch. 
    However, I do have a problem with one of the organizers who came on TV this morning and said, "We have lots of wonderful things from the country of Africa."  Eeeeesh... 

    Now, aside from the African World Festival, we also have the Wisconsin State Fair going on in Milwaukee. 
    I've never really liked the fair.  It smells bad, and I really have no desire to watch some sweet, doe-eyed, little farm-urchin cry when her shit-coated sow doesn't win a friggin' blue ribbon on its way to the bacon factory.  It's too emotional for me.  As guilty as I already feel for eating too much bacon, I don't need my shame compounded by the image of a blubbering little farm child that's been burned into my mind.  Dammit!  Stupid kids!  Don't develop emotional attachments with members of the food chain --especially those crispy, tasty, hickory-smoked members of the food chain.  Get a pet rat or something.  It'll hurt less, and you won't grow up to develop an eating disorder.

    In other news, I learned that I had unjustly accused the now innocent fish taco for damn near killing me.  I apologize to the fish taco for my presumption of its guilt without gathering all the evidence.  It seems the fish taco has been exonerated by a carton of crimini mushrooms labeled "pre-sliced, pre-washed, ready-to-eat.  Yum!"  I ate some the day I met the fish taco, and I ate some yesterday when Mr. Fish Taco was nowhere to be found.  Yes.  Last night I seem to have perfected my math skills.  #$@&!


P.S.  Like the new spacers?  They say "more" because, you know, in case you were wondering if there was more, that should clear that up for you. 



  1. Hi !!!! I wish I was there to go to the Wisconsin State Fair. They don't have any State Fairs here in my neck of the woods. I bet they have some good food there for people to enjoy. I have to go back to work on Monday I wish I had another week off to just sit around and watch television. I have enjoyed watching "Shark Week" on television instead of being out in the ocean somewhere swimming with Sharks that wouldn't be good. I think I would be eaten alive by some hungry shark who considered me bait. Anyway.......Take care.

  2. HA! That has to be so traumatic for a child to know his friend was chopped up & in so many people across the country. And then to think what happens after that! HA! Ick! Maybe too much of that "Circle of Life" stuff in the Lion King is making kids adults too early! :-)

    Do you like Jeff Foxworthy? I love him! HA! He has a funny skit about the State Fairs & about some lady covered in hair & how he tells other members of his family "Don't look but.." then it turns out to be an aunt of his! HA! Sorry I don't do it justice! You really have to hear him do it!

    Ok, now why do you think it is the mushrooms? And hmmm do you subscribe to the 5 sec rule? Hmm, Hmm, Hmmm? :-)

  3. My "stripper" name is Squeaky Tanqueray.
    Just incase you run out of stripper names.

    ~Terry Ü

  4. well now you can have another fish taco. (yuck) knowing that's now what it is. I went to the IL. State Fair once. It smelled. LOL. They had some decent music though.

  5. wow you spaced me out!

  6.'re hilarious!!!  Thanks for stopping by my journal bud.
    You're already on my alerts. I'm sure I put you on last night (when I found you), although I just realised I never commented...Hmm..I meant to!! Dunno what happened, but great journal anyway!!

    Take care,


  7. ALWAYS wash your food before you cook/eat it, even if it says "pre-washed." Christ, Dan... the guy who pre-washed it was either some dirty farmer or a food processing plant employee.

  8. Hey - I used to be that doe-eyed, farm urchin you speek so highly of. :'-( Bessy didn't go to the bacon factory, she went to an amusement park for cows, or so that is what my momma used to tell me.

    Amanda :)

    P.S. -> Love the new spacers.

  9. Now I want to run out and buy a Bible just to scribble on it. Porn stars, eh? This could be a fun project. Where's my Crayolas?