Thursday, August 17, 2006

Oh My God! I Killed the Chupacabra!

Why am I here?

     Indeed, the pen is mightier than the sword.  At least, mine seems to be pretty dang lethal lately. 

    For example, I wrote about Floyd Landis winning the Tour de France with a bad hip, and look what happened there?  He wound up having more testosterone in his system than the entire Italian World-Cup winning soccer team, and now, it seems, his Father-in-Law committed suicide.  I'm sorry Floyd.  I was just writng, ya know. 

    Then there's the things I wrote about Ken Lay, and look what happened to him. 

    Anyway, yesterday, in my anniversary entry, I added the deadly, man-eating Chupacabra, and now they found a dead animal in Maine that, as far as I'm concerned, is, in fact, the afformentioned deadly, man-eating Chupacabra (You can thank me later, Puerto Rico.  Tonight, let the rivers of rum flow, and sleep well, my friends.  You no longer need to fear the deadly, man-eating Chupacabra, for he is dead, and I killed him with my words). 

     If this keeps up, I'm going to start rigging elections and building my empire.  If I ever say that George Bush is the best President in the history of best Presidents, you know he's doomed.  Oh, Donald Rumsfeld is a nice, sweet man consumed with love and peaceful intentions, and Pat Robertson will live forever because of his God-defying, Jesus-juice milkshakes that gave him the strength to leg-press a freakin' ton



  1. A real literary assassin! Hey, with that talent you could earn a fortune. B.

  2. Are you taking requests? ;)

  3. FYI Chupacabro Killer:

    Regarding Dan:
    Why he’s not #1: His cat was recently arrested, a poor reflection on the owner.
    How about his ex-psych girlfriend, who'd boil your next of kin in a pot on your kitchen stove to prove her love for Dan. He! He! Dan, will you marry me?
                                                     Comment from teeisme57 - 8/17/06 11:49 AM

    So what do ya say? Yes or No? :-)


  4. LOL... looked more like Cujo to me... I think Scalzi got it right when he said someone should Stephen King his dog-thing got killed... lol

    Anyhow, I love your chupacabra... hate Bush, hate Robinson, Rumsfeld pfft...

    You go Dan!  

    Btw, are you marrying Theresa or what???

    be well,

  5. Come on Dan, I wanna be cool like James Woods!

  6. Wow!  When I opened this page of your journal I heard an eerie, evil laugh?  Was that you?!
    You know, I actually thought of your entry abaout Landis when that news first broke!