Wednesday, August 2, 2006

So Ends Our Broadcast Day...

    I am never eating a fish taco again.  Like Woody Allen and apricots, the fish taco is dead to me.  Dead, I tell you!  Somewhere between the time it was placed on a plate before me at the restaurant, and the middle of the night math session where, after plowing my way through the literary campaign of soap, shampoo, and toothpaste ingredients, I found myself counting the tiles of my bathroom floor, the poor fish taco curled up and died a horrible, gut-wrenching death.
    Don't worry.  It wasn't all multiplication tables and "rinse, lather, repeat" at Two AM.  I actually had some wonderful moments sitting in front of the TV watching (what else?) the Food Network.  Yes, my friends, it takes a special kind of masochist to battle food poisoning while watching Emeril Lagasse elicit screams of blind glee from his wailing, happy audience with things like booze and garlic (why do people go so nuts whenever he adds those things to a dish?). 
    However, once the cult-like madness of Emeril had passed, at Three AM, the following show was something called Low Carb, and Lovin' It (Remember the evils of the dreaded carbohydrate?).  The host of this odd little show struck me as a lone soldier in the fallen Commander Atkins' battle against the culinary insurgent that is the carbohydrate.  However, he made a pizza with only six net carbs per serving.  That's good considering that had he pushed the envelope and gone for the insane flavor explosion that comes with seven net carbs, I'm certain we'd all be lining up for bariatric surgery and begging for the second coming of Dr. Atkins.
    Anyway, I flipped through the channels after becoming bored with this chef's irrational war, and as a result of not being able to sleep, I was brought into a strange world of television programming where nearly ALL channels broadcast a common theme.  Apparently, the three-AM demographic consists of overweight, carb-loathing insomniacs who do not know how to operate a computer.  Every single station broadcast either that guy who will send you a handful of CD's to teach you how to work your computer or exercise equipment.  Even the religious channel had some maniac on there hawking a body-shredding device which looked as though it was stolen out of a health club during the heyday of The Inquisition
    So, I curse the fish taco for opening the door to this bizarre and dirty world.  However, once the gastro-intestinal event had passed, I slept like a rock and awoke craving a huge breakfast of carb-laden doughnuts and beer-battered, deep-friend, hard-boiled eggs. 
    Finally, there was supposed to be a lesson in here somewhere, and if you find it, let me know. 


  1. I never think to turn on the TV when I am awake at night. I always end up on the hood of my car, watching the stars. The Perseids meteor showers have begun and will peak around the 12th. It was cold out last night. Had to wear a jacket. But I still refuse to wear shoes or socks.

    Hope the Utahnorrhea clears up so we can both get some sleep tonight.

  2. Sorry to hear that you had a rough night darlin'. . .

    Amanda :)

  3. Gosh Dan, don't you have Girls Gone Wild info-mercials on there at night?

  4. Ha! Love the Girls Gone Wild comment...sure have enough of those on!

    Hey didn't you hear that after Atkins died they did some research that was in support of his theory! I actually did fabulous on his system & didn't even do it strictly. Lost 3 sizes & my cholesterol numbers were so shiny that my doctor had to wear sun glasses. She told me at first they thought it was horrible but then after so many years of people being on it they are not having the problems they thought so I could do it. I just had 2 other doctors say ok & one recommends it. Now since my foot problems I've been off the wagon a bit but I have not had burgers etc from the oh so popular fast food places now it will be 6 years! :-)

    And speaking of exercise equipment...Ha...I've had a Total Gym for like 8 years now & LOVE IT! They are right with the energy etc. Unfortunately the foot prevents me from doing the  420 squats I did 5 days a week. Yep, that many! 7 different ways at 60 a piece! They were fun! God I am getting depressed now...this foot better heal fast!

    Glad you hear you are feeling better.

  5. I have neve eaten a fish taco, although they are BIG out here, and everyone rants and raves about them.  There is something about a fish taco that just does not sit right with me.  So.. the lesson here is.. Don't indulge in something that swims in it's own sewer and stick it between a dried up taco shell.  Nuff' said.

    Hope you feel better, Dan!


  6. Your sooo funny,,,glad your feeling better. I remember buying a huge bag of cherries and eating the whole thing...It never dawned on me I would get sick....I was in labor all night after that,lol

  7. There is a lesson in there, Dan. It is this: If you ever, ever, ever, EVER, are offered a fish taco (Geez, I can't even type that without gagging) again, JUST SAY NO! Unless, of course, you know, it's a euphemism...

    ...I'm just sayin'

  8. Ewww... fish taco.  Now, that is just wrong... lol

    be well,

  9. Omgosh...

    This brings back memories of my own taco food poisoning!  
    Mine was ground beef from the grocery store. It knocked me off my feet for 2 days! The second day i could hardly get out of bed!

    A lot of people eat fish tacos around here. But to someone like me that doesnt eat conjures up an image of little anchovie fishes with their heads and tails sticking out of the bottom of the taco shell covered in lettuce and tomatoes and cheese. Ugh...

    Hope you feel better!

    ~Terry Ü

  10. I'm sure fish tacos are wonderful to the fish taco lovers out there, but ewww, I'm not sure I could do a fish taco.

  11. fish taco's sounds so nasty. I'm so sorry you got sick. My kids love the food channel they always watch it. Happy your feeling better.

  12. Hi ! I also watch the Food Network but I am an even bigger fan of the Travel Channel. Your journal always puts a smile on my face and your entries always make me laugh because your entries are just so wonderful. Thanks for being here at J-Land. Take care.

  13. Last week... hub and I pounded a liter of milk that was in our beach cooler after the ice melted. It seemned good at the time, but things went downhill quickly after.

    The kids- who drank only juice boxes- were unaffected.