#75?!?

    Now this is a fine how-do-you-do:

    75-

Name:  Dan
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Age: 38
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How we know him: Fellow AOL Journalist
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Why we like him: This sexy stud muffin makes us all roll on the floor laughing ass over at his journal. We can bring him into our homes, crack open a beer with him and then get rid of him when ever we want with a simple click of a mouse.
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Why he’s not #1: His cat was recently arrested, a poor reflection on the owner.
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    Apparently, I made Amanda's list of the World's 99 Most Drool-Worthy Men (oops).  I rank a modest #75.  I'm right above Kurt Russel who played perhaps one of the greatest movie characters of the Twentieth-Century when he took on the role of Jack Burton in the film Big Trouble in Little China.  It's tremendously humbling to learn that I am more "drool-worthy" than a guy who says such cool things as:

    When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac  grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."

 

Or:

 

    All I know is that this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds while he just STANDS there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with LIGHT coming out of his mouth!

    I mean, how can I compete with that?  How, I ask you. 

    Unfortunately, above me at #74 is Fifty-Cent.  It's hurts me deeply to think that I'm not as drool-worthy as some bullet-ridden, marble-mouthed, thug gangsta whose rapping has all the deep, intellectual insight of the chemically-altered poetry one might hear in a Mongolian coffee house at three in the freakin' morning.  Perhaps his appeal is based on someone's desire to play connect-the-dots with all his bullet holes.  Quite frankly, your guess is as good as mine.  Maybe it's just all about the G-G-G-Unit, yo'. 

     Anyway, thanks for putting me on your list, Amanda.  It really is quite flattering, and I'm sorry my cat's habitual criminal activities kept me from being Number One.  Personally, I think you failed to remember that not only did I figure out all the secret ingredients in a can of Skyline Chili, but I also recently saved Puerto Rico from the deadly, man-eating Chupacabra.  I'd like to see anyone on the list make THAT particular claim. 

-DP