Wednesday, August 9, 2006

I'm So Evil...

    Time has stopped for me.   You see, my watch has died, and though I rarely ever wear a watch, when I do, I like to have it working because, you know, it's kind of convenient to have a fully functioning timepiece.  Mine stopped working when the battery died two months ago at 11:37:14 AM. 
    Now, I suppose I could run out and pick up a battery and cram it in there myself; however, since I lack the nimble fingers of a Chinese sweatshop seamstress, I think it's probably in the best interests of time and space for me to just take it to a jewelry shop and have them deal with it.   
    Why am I telling you all about my watch?  Well...  Here's the thing:
    Guys, and I know a couple of you read this, if you ever get the chance to tell your wife, girlfriend, or significant other that you're going to the jewelry store, regardless of how innocuous or utterly benign the reason, do it.  It's just like tapping on a fish tank.  Women get all wigged-out gonky when you plant that little nugget in their heads.  It's kind of like when they tell us that they're going to Best Buy, or when you even mention the name "Chuck E. Cheese" in a room full of children.  Great things happen, and I wonder how long I can stretch this sort of thing out before guilt overwhelms me, and how much I will pay in the long run. 
    "Let's go have lunch with my parents today," she may ask.
    "Ohhh," I'll stammer nervously.  "You know, umm, I have to go to the jewelry store to get my watch fixed.  It's driving me nuts." 
    "Yeah.  They must sell lousy batteries at that place." 
    "It's okay, honey.  You go to the jewelers and, since you're out, go have a beer with your friends, and when you get home tonight, I'll make you a huge bacon-wrapped steak for dinner, draw you a nice, hot bubble bath and then give you a massage and invite my college roommate over to spend the night." 
    Hey!  Don't judge me.  It's not MY mind leaping to conclusions.  I'm just too stupid and clumsy to change a watch battery on my own. 


  1. What Dan? You're going to the jewelry store? I lost track of what you were talking about after  . . . "and space for me to just take it to a jewelry shop" . . . Diamonds? Princess cut? White Gold? Swivel clasp non of that hook and loop shit? Tanzinite Studs on Platinum Posts?

    You know my birthday was in July and Christmas is just right around the corner.

    Mwahahahahaha . . .

    Anywho, what were you talking about?

    Amanda :)

  2. Milk it boy, milk it. B.

  3. I like silver and opals...just in case you were wondering.

  4. You could just buy a new watch for $5 at Wal-Mart. (What? Isn't that what the smiley face is all about?)

  5. LMAO!! Ooh that's evilness in a can....I think I like it! lol!


  6. LOL... good one... and so true...

    be well,

  7. Just wait until she says "Oh I'm just going to stop at Victoria Secret" and then wears flannel! HA!

  8. You ARE evil!!!!  Poor girlfriend.  I hope she goes to Sears and buys a package of granny underwear just for you.  Julie  

  9. I know.  She's going to go to Best Buy one day, I'll be thinking plasma-screen TV, and I'll probably make a super dinner, hire a string quartet, etc., and she'll show up with a new mouse pad.  

    It works both ways, ya know?


  10. reading this entry and seeing that smilie...i had to say this ...
    you can go to walmart (if you can stand it in there) and they will change the watch battery for you at the cost of the battery usually like 2 to 3 bucks if that.
    i used to work jewelry there.
    then you can go look at other things in the "manly isles" as my husband calls them...but i can hardly get him to go into that store anymore, haha
    hope you get your watch fixed

  11. lol you are way to funny. I hope you get it fixed.

  12. lol!good one buddy! wink
    Now about that nice diamond I saw for Allison!