I'm having a pretty lousy day on this end, and this particular lousy day started at one-thirty in the freakin' morning. I spent a couple of those wee hours just throwing myself around on my mattress until my pillows and covers were a chaotic mess upon the floor. It seems that everything hurt as a result of A) The barometer plummeting due to the storms that pummeled the Midwest working their way into my neck of the woods, and B) my infusion is tomorrow, and every inch of my wrecked, old body feels as though I tried to sleep in a spinning washing machine loaded with bowling balls.
Eventually, I gave up on that whole notion of sleep and decided to get up and watch infomercials. I saw a lot of things for various body-shredding pieces of exercise equipment that promised if I could withstand the sort of Inquisition-esque level of torture they applied, I could lose twenty pounds in a matter of weeks.
Thanks. But, I'd rather take up doing speedballs for breakfast than risk an exploding aneurysm in pursuit of a chiseled body. Besides, swimsuit season has come and gone, and this beast needs to put on some winter fluff. Hibernation appeals to me. It always has.
However, one infomercial came on, and every time I see it, I always get a little giggly.
It's for Peter Popoff's "Miracle Spring Water," and if you've never seen this joker's scam, you really should. It's beautifully hilarious, and whenever he puts his grubby mitts up to the camera and tells me to put my godless, unwashed, heathen hands on the TV screen so he and I can "pray" together, I laugh at the notion that if this madness was legit, I wonder what sort of insanity I'd be passing around the Christian community if I put my deaf cat's paws on the screen. I can almost see Popoff saying, "There's a very confused blond-haired, blue-eyed, deaf female in Milwaukee who wants to go back to licking her asshole."
Anyway, I'm uber-wonky right about now, and I think it's time for me to try and crash. How's your Thursday going so far?
Posted By Dan to The Wisdom of a Distracted Mind at 10/18/2007 10:44:00 AM