Chef House?

   
    Now, I've mentioned before that I am a fan of Tony Bourdain.  His observations of cooking tend to resonate with eaters such as myself.  And, his pull-no-punches critiques and relentless --albeit justified-- hectoring of the Food Network sometimes leaves me gasping for air as a result of laughing until I weep.  Say whatever you will about the man; however, one thing is certain: he is damn serious about food and those who prepare it. 

    This can be seen on Michael Ruhlman's blog where Bourdain sometimes pops in to rattle the place like Dr. House sauntering up to the bedside of a dying patient and calling him a pain in the ass.  And, as it turns out, the patient is, in fact, a legitimate pain in the ass. 
   
    Anyway, in the latest Bourdain entry, he gives an outstanding, honest rundown of some of the celebrity chefs on the Food Network who we've come to know and love and how the network itself is teetering on the brink of becoming pointless and irrelevant, and, as it turns out, I find myself agreeing with everything he says. 

    For example, of Sandra Lee, he says:

Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard?

    Brilliant!  And, in response, I left the following comment:

Watching her show is not entirely unlike sticking one's head into a cotton-candy machine, followed by a quick dip in the Fryolator and having that deep-fried, pastel, sugary head-crust shattered by French kissing a speeding  cement-mixer during a gay-pride parade.

It's not only bad; it's noisy-pink bad.

    The rest of the piece, believe it or not, is surprisingly positive with what I think are some really spot-on appraisals of many celebrity chefs and some great insights into how to destroy a television network.  So, if you've got time to waste, do yourself a favor and drop by for a tremendous giggle. 

-DP

Tags: Michael Ruhlman, Anthony Bourdain, Sandra Lee, Food Network

Anna Nicole Smith

    Wow.

    Anna Nicole Smith collapsed and died a short time ago.

    I'm sure a lot of people are going to have a lot to say on this.  I just think it's a tragedy if you consider how the past year has been a complete hell for her with the death of her son just after the birth of her daughter, her weight loss and the TrimSpa lawsuits.  It'll be interesting to learn more and more about this, I'm sure. 

-DP

Tags: Anna Nicole Smith

Life in Limbo...

    Just one more day to go...

    Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I have to go for another infusion of the stuff which is supposed to make things not hurt so wickedly for the next eight weeks. 

    It's kind of weird how, without so much as even glancing at the calendar, I can tell when this Remicade stuff is leaving my system, and I am due for another dose.  And, well, with this annoyingly pointless cold weather we've been having lately, this past week has just been a painful, little dance through the lifeless, gray purgatory of a typical Wisconsin winter.  But, the beer is cheap here, and the furnace works, so it all works out, huh?
   
    Seriously, there just isn't a damn thing to do in Milwaukee around this time of year.  We've gotten to the point where we huddle around the fire in our respective caves and sacrifice our brain cells and sanity to the angry sun gods who always seem to abandon us when we need them most. 

    On the plus side, however, with nothing much going on, I can actually take advantage of this.  Yes.  There's nothing better to pass the time than sitting and watching a cheese age.   Hooray, cheese!

-DP
(update)    I just saw Cheddarvision "plugged" on Keith Olberman's show.  Of course, he was funnier about it than I, but, you know, I take my cheese damn seriously.  You hear me Olberman?  Don't screw with the wheel of cheese!  If you pick on the cheese, the terrorists win. 

Tags: Cheddarvision, Winter sucks, Purgatory, DPoem, Keith Olberman

Just Checking In...

   
    Now, this is an awesome picture.  In fact, I'm willing to say it's probably the coolest thing you'll see all week.   It's got fireworks, a comet, and lightning (who doesn't love at least one of those things?).  Trust me.  If you don't click on that link and read the explanation, you'll be sorry. 

-DP

   

Oh! This is Funny!

    If you're a fan of Doctor Who, The Daleks, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail, then this should have you weeping with laughter (I'm talking to you, Cinzano!).

    In other news, and just in case any of you are curious, the temperature here has dropped to a balmy one degree with a wind-chill of twenty-below.  It's snowing lightly and the sun is shining.  All I can say is, now I know why bears and John Scalzi tend to hibernate during this time of year. 

    Anyway, enjoy the show.

-DP

Tags: Doctor Who, Christopher Eccleston, Monty Python, YouTube

Unknown?!?

    Look at this:
   
    Here's my weather.  Yes.  It's very cold here.  It's not quite Fargo-cold, but it's still damn frosty, and it's supposed to stay this way for the next several days.  Fortunately, we have the lake here to keep us warm.  Otherwise, it might be, umm, colder? 

    Anyway, one of the things I really love about this weather report is the line "Unknown precipitation." 

    Seriously.  How is that supposed to help? 

    Is it raining?  Is it snowing?  Do we have whiskey and battery acid tumbling from the sky?  What the hell, weather people?  Can't someone stick their head out the door and say, "Hmm...  I'm going to say it's snowing.  I'm a meteorologist, and we learned about this in school.  Yes.  This might be snow." 

    Sometimes, I think they just give up when it comes to Wisconsin weather.  And, it's probably only a matter of time before I see the forecast saying: "It's going to be light today with a very good chance of becoming dark later in the day.  Good luck." 

-DP

Tags: Cold, Unknown Precipitation, DPoem

Wasn't He the Guy Who Punched Midgets?

    Here's a recent phone conversation which should enlighten you to the goings on in my life:

    "Hello"
    "Hi, this is your mother."
    "Hi, Mom."
    "Hi."
    "What do you want?"
    "I wanted to tell you [name withheld] died of a heart attack."
    "Thanks.  But, I have no idea who that is."
    "Yes you do."
    "No, mom.  I honestly don't remember him."
    "Sure you do.  You saw him once when you were five."
    "Wait.  Now that you mention it, wasn't he the guy who always wore the orange jumpsuit who went around town sucking on tail pipes and eating paint chips while punching midgets and children in the face?"
    "Oh nevermind."
    "He owes me ten bucks!"
     "I said nevermind."
Click!